


Reordering Fate

by xlxharlequinxlx



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-06-03 19:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6622891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xlxharlequinxlx/pseuds/xlxharlequinxlx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are one of the Blue Wizards sent by the Valar, like Gandalf, to try and help middle earth combat the evil that is Sauron.  In this version, it is you who convinces Thorin to retake Erebor.  However, you find that you just can't live with the way things turn out.  </p><p>There may be some OOCness at times, but I've tried to keep it close.  The time line follows the movie pretty well, but I've added bits from the book and other sources.</p><p>The primary theme is ThorinxReader and Friendly BilboxReader </p><p>There will be smut in some chapters.  Some of the smut will be more graphic than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Beginning at the End

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Hobbit fanfiction, where everything is made up and the canon doesn’t matter. Seriously, I just took bits from the movie and the book and whatever else I found that interested me on the internet and twisted it around to suit the purpose of this story. I don’t own anything. These are just the ramblings of a girl who watched the Hobbit trilogy one too many times and read too much ThorinxReader fiction in the meantime. Please forgive any errors that have slipped my eye. I’ve done my best to edit. Thanks for reading, and leave a review if you can. Constructive criticism is always welcome. I had the movie version of Thorin in mind when writing this, because… well, you know why…
> 
> Italics are used for emphasis and for names/words of another language that I do not have formatted properly.

 

 

" _Thorin_ ," you whispered between your sobs.  "You cannot do this, _you cannot leave me_." 

You couldn't feel your legs anymore as you were knelt down on the frozen river, the King under the Mountain rested in your lap.  He had been mortally wounded by the pale orc, but the defiler had been killed once and for all.  Your robes were becoming soaked in his blood as you tried to slow the bleeding.

" _Orome, please_ ," you begged, wishing with all of your might that the Valar you served would take pity on you.

"My _One_ ," Thorin gasped, struggling for breath as he reached up to cup your cheek in his hand.

"Please, don't speak," you despaired, covering his larger hand with your smaller one and pressing it more firmly against your skin. 

"I... it is nearing the end," he wheezed, and your heart constricted painfully in your chest.  You had been too late to save him.  If only you had stayed instead of leaving with Gandalf and Bilbo during the confrontation between Thorin and the armies of the men, dwarves, and elves.  "Can you love me still, after all I've done?"  He whispered.

"Of course I love you still, never think that I stopped for even a moment, even when your judgment was clouded," you said fiercely.

Thorin managed a weak smile.  Somewhere in your periphery you were aware that Bilbo and Gandalf were making their way toward you.

"Even then, I loved you," his breathing became more labored, and panic crippled your common sense.  "It was the only thing that brought me through the delusions.  Being without you was-” he coughed up blood.

"Thorin, _please_ , just rest.  I forgive you," you cried, holding him more tightly to you as if that would somehow put off the inevitable. 

"I am glad, for the time we had together," he was fading.

" _Don't leave me_ ," you begged, your cheek leaned heavily upon your joined hands.

"Had I my own way, I never would.  Don't cry, my _One_ ," he whispered, his thumb gently caressing the soft skin of your face, wiping away the tears as they fell.  "It is enough... to have... loved you... "

A wretched sob escaped your lips as he breathed his last, his hand falling away from your face to lay lifeless at his side.  The hobbit and the grey one had finally reached you.

" _Thorin_ ," Bilbo whispered helplessly, tears soon staining his cheeks.

"He is gone, _Ala_ ," Gandalf said gently.

You clung to Thorin's body, burying your face in his shoulder as you sobbed.  The pain was too great.  It was as if your soul had been ripped in half, part remaining with you, and the other half going to where Thorin's soul now rested.

" _Olorin_ ," you whimpered.  "I cannot do this..."

"Don't lose sight of our task," Gandalf said softly, trying to sooth you and get you to see beyond the all-consuming pain you felt.

"I can't... _How_ could they be so cruel?"  Your mind was in shock, your heart was shattered.  "I will not have this."

"What do you mean?"  Gandalf became alarmed, sensing the power you were drawing from within yourself.  You had reached for your staff, standing it upright in front of you and resting your forehead against the solid oak.  " _Alatar_ , you cannot do this!  You will be punished!"  He urged.

"So be it then," you looked up to your companions with a wry smile.

" _Ala_ , I'm begging you, the Valar will not forgive you," it was the closest thing you had seen to panic on the old man's face in quite some time.  “Tampering with fate is forbidden!  What of _Pallando_ …?!"

" _I know_ …" you sobbed, closing your eyes and letting your power consume you.  You were beyond reason.  The Valar had warned that your wisdom and powers would be weakened due to taking form in the flesh; they had failed to mention that your emotions would take such a toll on you.  Your body began to glow a bright white, blinding the wizard and the hobbit.  " _Palla_ will have to finish what I could not.  I cannot exist in a world where Thorin does not.  If I'm not allowed to return, you will have to help middle earth prepare for the darkness without me..."

"What's she doing!?"  Bilbo was startled, shielding his eyes from your radiance.

"She is reordering time," Gandalf despaired.  "She is defying fate in hopes that when we do this all again, she will be able to save him..."

Gandalf’s explanation was the last thing any of you heard. 

When you awoke, you would be in the land of modern men.  Middle earth and your memories from there would be lost to you.  The only life you would know now was the one you woke up to.  You had been successful in resetting the time line, but the Valar were furious with you.  They did not intend to give you the chance to save your beloved.  You were banished to the modern world.

 

* * *

 

**_Six months and one year earlier..._ **

 

"It is decided then," Gandalf said, you and Pallando were gathered with him at the Prancing Pony enjoying a meal.

"Indeed, _Ala_ will head to the mountains, and I will head to the east and start there," Pallando stated.

The three of you had been sent by the Valar to help middle earth rid itself of the darkness that was coming.  There were five of you total.  Curumo, known as Sarumon, was already stationed; he had been the first to be chosen to come.  Aiwendil, or Radagast the Brown, the last to be chosen, had started making himself at home in the forest.  You had been second, known by the Valar as Alatar.  The people of middle earth would come to call you Morinehtar, or darkness slayer. Olorin, otherwise known as Gandalf had been chosen third despite being wary of his ability to complete your task. Pallando was your friend, and you had asked him to come to assist you in your quest to help middle earth prepare for the great evil of Sauron that had begun to brew. 

The five of you were more powerful than men, but your power and wisdom was diminished due to your current form.  Still, with your help, middle earth stood a much better chance of overcoming the darkness.

With your tasks sorted, Gandalf and Pallando took their leave of you.  You would stay a day or two at the Prancing Pony, awaiting the dwarf you needed to see.

 

* * *

 

Fate was on your side as on the second evening of yours stay; you would see Thorin Oakensheild sitting alone at a table near the hearth.  You eyed him from across the room.  He was unusually tall for a dwarf, perhaps matching you in height.  You were considered short in human form, even for a woman.  You glanced back and forth between the two bounty hunters that had also caught sight of him.  With the most charming smile you possessed, you left your spot at the bar to join him at the table.  Your eyes flashed dangerously as you pointedly glanced to both men who had been poised to strike.  They were immediately put off by the uneasy feeling you instilled in them, retreating back.  It was an advantage you had having been sent by the Valar.  You watched as Thorin relaxed, watching you curiously from across the table.

You were clad in robes of blue, your white oaken staff leaning against your shoulder as you propped your arms on the table to get closer to him.

"Mistress, _Morinehtar_ ," Thorin began.  "I only know you to see you, and it seems most convenient that you would come to me now.  I've been feeling the need to seek you out, but knew not where to find you."

"Please, just call me _Ala_ ,” you insisted.  “It is strange, you've also been on my mind for some time now," you agreed.  "I was on my way to the Shire with Gandalf, and knew that your halls should fall along our way."

"A poor substitute to live out our exile," Thorin lamented.  "However, you are welcome to them.  I am in need of council and would be most grateful for your attention if you've the time to spare."

"I shall come.  Gandalf has gone ahead without me, and I am to meet him at a later time," you explained.  "It will be safer for us to be together.  It seems someone out there wants your head."

"Yes, I know, but I cannot conceive who," Thorin admitted.

"Time will tell, but do not worry of it now, you are safe with me," you reassured him.

Together you finished your meal in comfortable silence, and the next day made for the Blue Mountains.

It was a short journey, perhaps two days’ worth of travel.  You found Thorin a good and decent man.  He was chivalrous towards you, though not because you were helpless by any means.  It seemed you both enjoyed the others company. 

That night when you had reached the halls of the Blue Mountains, there was a feast to welcome you and Thorin home.  There were drinks and dancing.  You soon found your face flushed from ale and dance.  The dwarves welcomed you warmly; even Thorin's nephews took turns taking you for a spin around the dance floor.  You were slightly out of breath by the time you found Thorin.  He was seated in front of the fire, back and away from the festivities.

"Your lot sure knows how to throw a good party," you laughed.  Thorin smiled at you, before his gaze turned serious again, turning his attention back to the dancing flames.

"Aye, they deserve much more than what they have," he was remorseful.

"Erebor?"  You asked, and he nodded yes.  "I believe the dragon is a matter of concern for both of us."

"Indeed?"  He asked.

"Yes... might we have a common goal?"  You pushed.

"Perhaps...  We've lost so much, our home, our treasure, precious pieces of our heritage remain at the lonely mountain," Thorin began.  "I feel a duty to exact revenge on Smaug, but am without the means to do it.  I've been feeling the call to arms, to gather as many as will come, and take on the dragon."

Your face betrayed a grimace that did not go unnoticed.

"You disagree?"  He asked.

"I feel it would be much more fruitful to go about it another way.  I fear any army no matter how big or small would be doomed.  There is darkness coming Thorin, it has already begun to manifest," you said quietly.  He seemed to consider your statement.

"Perhaps, but with no better plan, I have to do what I can to make this right," Thorin stated.  You could see the stubborn gleam in his eyes.

"You sought my council," you reminded him gently.  "I would be willing to help you, but only if we can agree upon a tactful plan."

You could see that he wasn't ready to relinquish his strategy, and he would need you to guide him.  Perhaps with you and Gandalf together, you could somehow prevent this quest from becoming a travesty and be successful to both of your desired ends.  You were much harder to frustrate and anger than Gandalf when faced with one who refused to see reason; it is why you were elected to stay behind and speak with Thorin.

"What way would you suggest then?"  He asked.  The fact that he was even willing to consider you was a feat in and of itself.  He must have taken a liking to you.

"I'll need some time to formulate a plan.  How soon were you going to act?"  You questioned, wondering just how much time you would have to get things going on the correct path.

"Beyond six months," he conceded.  So, you would have some time to build more trust between yourself and Thorin.  The dwarves could be stalwart and set in their ways, but you had to find a way to compromise.  Sauron would easily become aware of a large army moving towards the mountain.  If you could gain Thorin's confidence, then perhaps you would all stand a chance.

Gandalf had his own task to attend to in the meantime.  You would have to leave eventually to meet him at the Shire as you had originally told Thorin.

You ended your conversation that night on unstable terms, agreeing to talk more on it later.  It was better than nothing; at least you had your foot in the door.

The following weeks would be spent slowly integrating yourself into the dwarves daily lives.  You spent many hours speaking with Thorin and his family.  They were kind and hospitable of you, despite you being an outsider. 

* * *

 

_Two months passed you by in the blink of an eye._

 

You and Thorin had started to become closer.  You were often surprised yourself at the bond that was beginning to form between the two of you.  He often sought your company in favor of others, and you found you did not mind in the slightest.  While he was proud, stubborn, and had this overwhelming sense of self-importance, with your patience, and seeing past those things, you got along quite well.

It had been a warm sunny day that faded in to a beautiful starlit night.  You had been having dinner with the dwarves; Thorin's nephews were sitting on either side of you.  They were good men if only a bit young.  They were playful with you, and had easily accepted you as part of the clan.

"So," Fili started casually, "how are your plans coming along?" 

"Yes, do tell," Kili added.  You smiled at them, taking another bite of your food.  They often tried to pry in to the details of your knowledge.  You disappointed them on many an occasion.  While you were aware of your purpose here in middle earth, you were still only human now.  Your capabilities were limited.

"...and what is it I am to be telling you?"  You asked, frustrating them with your avoidance.  They had a plan to fluster you this time, each exchanging a devious look.

"Boys, leave her be," Dis reprimanded, but they were set on their task.  Thorin's sister had been most accommodating during your stay.  She was an intimidating woman at times, but there was a softness to her when it came to her family.  She was hesitant to have any of her kin taking on the dangerous task of reclaiming Erebor.

"Oh, you know, your great plan of _seducing_ our uncle," Kili said matter-of-factly, ignoring his mother and causing you to spew your ale in to your napkin.

" _Excuse me_?"  You sputtered, taking turns staring the two of them down, but they were too busy laughing at you to notice.

"You're always together," Fili stated.

"Yes, and he's been staring at you all night," Kili added.

"You two have the wildest imaginations," you brushed them off, quickly regaining your composure.  "I'm just here to offer counsel."

"Really, you two have better manners than that," Thorin's sister was attempting to divert the attention away from you, giving you an apologetic smile.

It was too late though, despite your attempts to discourage them, the damage had already been done.  The situation wasn't made any better when some of the others decided they were in the mood for dancing and picked up their instruments and started singing.  It was made even worse when Thorin made his way over to where you were sitting and offered you his hand.

"Would you do me the honor?"  He asked, with a smile.  You didn't have the heart to deny him as you placed your smaller hand in his larger one.  You didn't look back at Fili or Kili; you could feel their smug looks boring a hole in to your back.  "You looked like you needed a distraction," Thorin said, gently pulling you close to him and spinning you about the room.

"Yes," you admitted, although this sweet diversion would do nothing to help decrease Fili and Kili antagonizing you.  More joined you in the dancing.  You stayed in Thorin's arms for several songs, amused when he denied anyone else the chance to cut in with you.

You laughed musically as he twirled you out and then back in to him, your momentum bringing you flush against his chest.   His hands were on your hips to steady you, yours resting on his broad shoulders.  You titled your head slightly, meeting his icy blue gaze.  His eyes were the color of the sky, and they held the warmth of the sun in them as he looked at you.  They could be such a contradiction, cold as winter, and yet warm as summer when you were looked upon favorably.  For a moment you were lost in them.  You didn't remember what you were doing here, and it only made sense that you were here to be with him.  It was dangerous thinking, and only the first step down the long slope of no return. 

You quickly dashed the feelings rising up in your chest.  Butterflies fluttered in your stomach, and you mentally cursed your weakness.  The flesh really was a distracting disadvantage.  You were supposed to be stoic and diplomatic.  This would not have been a problem if Gandalf had stayed, but then... no progress would be made.  It was important to cultivate this bond, you reasoned, it would be the only way you could help each other reach your goals. 

You smiled at him as the next song ended, slowly pulling back when you were met with the resistance of his arms around you keeping you close.  You regarded him with questioning, waiting for him to release you.  It seemed he recalled himself before reluctantly letting you go.

"Will you speak with me?"  Thorin asked.

"Of course," you replied, allowing him to grasp your hand and lead you out on to one of the many terraces of the mountain side.

The night air was chilly, despite the warmer weather earlier.  You stood together, both taking in the sight of the stars.  The view was very clear from up here.  This was the closest you felt to home in a long time.  You shivered.  Your cloak had been abandoned inside when you were dancing.  You did not complain when Thorin moved closer to you, pulling you to his side with an arm around your waist and sheltering you with his fur lined coat.  You were tense at first, but slowly relaxed against him, your curves melding in to the hard plains of his muscles.

"Do you feel as I do?"  Thorin questioned. 

"...And how is it you feel Thorin Oakensheild?"  You played coy.  He hesitated, but you were patient.

"I dare not put a name to it yet, just that having you here has brought a feeling of peace to my soul," he admitted.  You were unsurprised, you had felt it as well, but you were conflicted.  You were not sent here to fall in love, and yet, it seemed you would not have much say in the matter. 

"I am hesitant," you admitted, leaning your head to rest on his shoulder.  "I'd not risk the comfort I have with you.  You are too dear a friend to me now," you whispered.

"Then let it be," he said, placing a kiss to your hair and resting his cheek upon it. 

The two of you had become near inseparable after that.  You had achieved your goal, you had earned his trust, and in return he earned yours. 

You had received a letter from Gandalf a few months later, saying now was the time.  You wrote back and forth discussing the best way to proceed.

You had gotten Thorin alone, and presented him with your idea.  It was not what he had originally wanted, but he respected you and your insight.  Instead of gathering a full out army, a small company would do.  You would travel to Erebor and have a hobbit sneak in to the mountain to get the Arken Stone.  Thorin would then be reclaimed as King under the Mountain and you could decide how to dispatch Smaug from there.  It took you many hours of convincing, and you thought that perhaps it would all be in vain until he tentatively agreed.

Plans were made from there.  You and Thorin would travel to meet with some of his kin before moving on to the Shire.  Twelve other dwarves would meet with Gandalf and your burglar, and the two of you would join them later that evening.  Thorin still wasn't convinced that a hobbit burglar was necessary.  He was impossibly stubborn, and you could only guess that his affections for you were the reason he was even willing to humor the idea.

Preparations were made, and it was the night before you would head out to the Shire.  You and Thorin were the last two awake, sitting near the hearth in the feasting hall.  You sat in amiable silence until you both felt the call to rest.  You walked side by side to your rooms, pausing outside his door.

"Rest well, Thorin," you said with a smile. 

"You as well," he had replied.  You turned to leave him and continue on your way, but he had caught your wrist before you got too far.

"Are you alright?"  You asked, and you could see the trediptation on his face.  He was uneasy, and a frown tugged down the corners of his mouth.  "Thorin?"

He surprised you by pulling you close to him, and wrapping you in his arms.  You had hugged before, but this was not the same.  You felt his hands tremble as they fisted in your hair.  Perhaps he was just worried about beginning the quest, and what it would mean if he succeeded.

"Stay with me tonight," he whispered.  You were tense in his embrace.  " _Please_ ," he implored you, and you could hear the ache in his voice.  "I am most at ease when you are by my side."

"Yes," you replied softly.  It was becoming harder and harder to deny him anything.  You allowed him to lead you in to his bed chambers.  You had lain together before, but never in his room, and never through the whole night.  Often he had been in your rooms, the two of you up late talking, and he would lie with you until you were asleep.  He was always gone by morning.

He was in naught but a pair of trousers and you in your chemise as you lay down next to each other.  Usually it was enough for you to be together side by side, however, tonight was different.

"Will you come to me?"  Thorin asked you quietly.  His voice was deep, and it ignited a spark deep within you.  You did not speak as you rolled over to his side, his arms coming around you and pulling you tight against his chest.  You sighed in contentment as your head came to relax on his shoulder, your arm lying on his chest.  Your palm came to rest over his heart.  You could feel every nervous beat beneath your fingertips, betraying his anxiety.  You had not been so intimate with anyone in a long time.  You tilted your head back, nuzzling his jaw line with the bridge of your nose. 

You did not realize it as it was happening how close the two of you had become.  You were just as attached to him as he was to you.  It was well enough.  There was nothing against the rules about loving him, though you were reluctant to be the first to put a label on your mutual affections.

Thorin took a deep, calming breath, his chest rising and falling beneath you.  He freed one of his arms from around you to cradle your cheek in his hand.  His thumb caressed your skin as he tilted your chin up to claim your lips with his own.  The second your mouths met, you felt an electric shock shoot down your spine.  Things would quickly get completely out of hand.  In minutes the last of your clothes were thrown to the floor, and you were straddling him nude as you devoured his lips.

"I love you," he whispered against your lips, causing your breath to hitch as you pulled back just enough to gaze in to his eyes.  The pure honesty of his words shook you to your core.  This had not been part of the plan, but it had happened all the same.  Your soul soared, and you could no longer deny that you felt the same.

"And I you," you finally replied, much to his relief.

You spent the next hour consummating what would become an unbreakable bond between your bodies and souls until you were both spent, sleeping peacefully, wrapped in each other’s arms.  

Goodbyes were said the morning of your departure.  Everyone had gathered in the hall to bid you farewell.  There were some tears, and you were unsurprised when Dis pulled you aside.

" _Please_ , do what you can to watch out for them," she implored you.

"I promise," you agreed, giving her hands a gentle squeeze.  You didn't know it then just how far you would take that promise.

She was satisfied with your answer, and pulled you in for a hug.  

When the last of the dwarves bid you farewell, you and Thorin were on your way.  Fili and Kili would head straight to the shire.

* * *

 

Not more than a week later would find the two of you standing outside the hobbit hole of Bilbo Baggins.  There was a mark on the door, that if not for your acute vision, you both would have been lost for hours.  You were already late as you entered to find that everyone else was already here, Gandalf included.

"Ah, Thorin and _Alatar_ , it is good of you to finally join us," the wizard said with a smile.  He eyed the two of you curiously, noticing your close proximity.  "This is Bilbo."

The discussion had begun with all of you sitting around the table and explaining to Bilbo what his role would be and the dangers listed in the contract.  You were sympathetic to his plight, and by the end of it, he was refusing to join the company and retreated to his room for the evening.

" _Ala_ , I see you've been busy convincing Thorin of the better plan," Gandalf said, coming to stand by you as you gazed out the window.  You raised a brow, tilting your head up to look at him. 

"Keen observation as always, _Olorin_ ," you said with a smile.  "He loves me." 

The wizard did not seem concerned with this new development.

"You've spent quite a bit of time with him and you are an endearing girl, I'm not surprised." He commented, studying you for a moment.  "You return that love."  It was not a question, and your lack of denial was all the answer he needed.  "Hmmm, a curious turn of events… He will need you," he conceded, unhurriedly turning and leaving you alone once again.

Everyone was quiet and thoughtful, gathered around the hearth when Bofur began to sing.

" _Far over misty mountains cold...._ "

Soon the rest of the company joined in, everyone taking a turn with a verse.  The sound of Thorin's voice sent chills down your spine when it came around to him, and you moved closer to the fire.  The song ended with the verse of the king returning to the mountain, and all was silent again.  Slowly, the dwarves dispersed, pairing up in to the many rooms of Bilbo's home.

You had found a vacated room, stripping down to your slip and crawling in to the short hobbit bed.  You were tired, but restless. You stared out the window, your back facing the door, as you watched the moonlight bathe the world in silver.  You heard the hinges creak open, looking over your shoulder to see Thorin enter as he was shutting the door behind him.   He stood waiting for your invitation.

"You don't need permission to join me," you said quietly, smiling as you heard him removing layers of clothes.  You felt the warmth of his bare chest against your back as he lifted the covers and crawled in to the bed behind you. A muscled arm wrapped around your waist and drew you close to him, his chin coming to rest on your shoulder. 

"I need you," he admitted in a rare moment of vulnerability, his breath tickling your ear.  He was always so strong and confident; it warmed your soul when he laid bare his heart to you.

"Not as desperately as I need you," was your reply.

"That's debatable," you felt his lips curve in to a smile against your skin.

Early the next morning the group of dwarves, you, and Gandalf headed out of the Shire.  You had not made it far when the hobbit caught up to you.  With your company officially completed, the quest began.  It was filled with ups and downs, danger and excitement.  As close as you and Thorin had been before, the adventure only served to bring you that much closer.  Over the following year your souls had become so intertwined that you did not remember how you existed without him.

It was your undoing.

Presently you now existed in the modern world with no recollection of what you had done.  You went about your days knowing that you were missing something very dearly, but you were doomed to never remember it.  This was to be your punishment.  You had tampered with fate, and now had to pay the price.

That is, until someone intervened on your behalf…

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Transcendence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the future. Well... kind of... if you squint. Eh... maybe not even then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing. I tried my best with editing. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 
> 
> Everything is still made up and canon is referential only. 
> 
> Italics are used for emphasis and names/words of other languages that I do not have formatted properly.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Depression
> 
> Please do not mistake my wording to imply that people who have depression are only "sad" and feel as though "something's missing".

When you woke up, you expected it to be as it had any other day.  There was nothing extraordinary about your life with your small one bedroom apartment and meager possessions.  You had just enough to get by with your full time job at the local market.  You had moved to the city, leaving your “family” several states behind you.  You couldn’t even boast wonderful memories of your life.  There was always something lacking and you were continually conflicted with a sense of loss that never eased.  Many doctors had tried to get you to see a psychiatrist, worried that perhaps you were suffering from depression.  You never went; you knew it was more than that.

So, when you found yourself not in your apartment, but sitting alone in a small clearing clad in only the clothes you wore yesterday you knew something was off.  Confusion was evident, your mind addled.  You were in the same jeans, t-shirt, tennis shoes and fleece jacket you had been wearing the night before.  You couldn’t remember going to bed after work, you couldn’t remember if you even made it home.  It was all you could do to just take in your surroundings, checking yourself over for damage. It felt like you had just woken up from a long sleep.  It was then that you noticed the small diamond pendant hanging around your neck on a silver chain. Curious, you tried to take it off to inspect it more closely, but to your impending panic, the thing wouldn't budge.

Hearing some twigs snap, your head jerked around to the source. All you could make out was a shadowy figure heading towards you wearing a pointed hat.  Fearing the worst, you didn't give whoever it was a chance to speak.  You were up and running before he even breached the tree line.

"Wait! I mean you no harm!" The voice belonging to the mystery shadow called after you, immediately giving chase.

"Then stop coming after me!" You had retorted with a little bit more sass than you had intended. In hind sight it was probably a mistake to provoke an aggressive stranger.  Well, maybe he wasn't that aggressive, but still...

Your hair whipped at your face as you jumped over sticks and branches, running even deeper in to the forest.

How had you ended up here? Your mind kept drawing a blank no matter how hard you tried to recall the events that lead you to be in the forest.  The only things you could recall were pictures, faces, and places, like the life you had been living before you woke up had been a dream.

"Confounded girl, I'm trying to help you, not hurt you!"

You were more than a little miffed at the old man who was running after you; quite well for someone his age you noted. Had you gotten drunk and ended up at some renaissance fair? No one dressed like that in real life; that had to be a fake beard.  Your eyes narrowed as you looked over your shoulder to see if he was still following you after your short exchange of words.

Much to your chagrin, he was still close behind you, and you didn't have the chance to face forward again.  In your distracted haste you slammed straight in to something _hard_.  Whatever you had hit hardly moved as you had collided full force with it. The shock left your head spinning and you were certain that you had run in to a tree.

A tree with arms...

And hands no less...

Rather large hands at that…

...Masculine hands that gripped you firmly about the waist, preventing you from falling backwards to the ground.

Your eyes were clenched shut, your hands braced against the muscular arms that supported you until the dizziness subsided.

"What have we here?" A deep voice questioned you, and then confusion set in.  “Do I know you?”

Slowly, you opened your eyes, expecting to have to tilt your head up to look at the culprit of your delay.  Instead, ice-blue eyes were staring almost directly in to yours.  You felt a spark in the back of your mind as your eyes met.  He too seemed caught off guard, like he was looking at a ghost.   

He was holding you above the ground by maybe half an inch until the he deemed it alright to set you down.  His grip around your waist slackened, but he did not release you entirely.  You stared at him curiously, taking in his features.  He was just barely taller than you and built like an ox.  Long, dark hair, streaked with silver framed his face.  Were these any other circumstances, you might have thought him attractive.  You felt like you should know who he was.

“I… don’t know,” was your weary reply.

"Ah, Thorin, it seems you have found my little escapee," the wizard had caught up to you.

You quickly removed your gaze from the handsome stranger with the eyes like the sky.  Panic was settling in once again at the sight of your pursuer. In an instant you tore yourself from Thorin's grasp in an attempt to flee, but he tightly gripped your elbow.  Your own momentum worked against you to spin you around with your back slamming in to his chest. Your arms were effectively pinned to your sides with his arms wrapped around you to keep you still.  You couldn't contain the indignant huff that escaped your lips, not used to being man handled like this.

" _Let me go_!" You hissed.

"Gandalf, come now, what business could you possibly have with this girl." Thorin asked.

"Aye, she looks strange, what _is_ she wearing?" Another voice criticizing your outfit sounded from out of nowhere.

You were startled by more and more men filing through the woods to surround you, Thorin, and the tall one known as Gandalf. The one dressed like the wizard was the tallest, and looked oddly familiar.  The rest of the little men that had appeared were all shorter than Thorin, and you could only assume that he was unusually tall for whatever he was.  You yourself were still on the short side of the spectrum, even for a girl, at least as far as you could remember.  What a strange assortment of people…

"Ah, I... I don't really think insulting her is the best way to get her to talk."

You didn't think it possible when the shortest of all stepped forward. He was different from the rest, and you couldn't be sure as to why.  This had to be some sort of live action role playing session.

"Quite right Mr. Baggins," Gandalf conceded, removing his hat and bowing to you.  "I apologize, my dear.  It is just that you appeared in such an unusual way that I seemed to forget myself.”

It took you a moment to find your voice.

" _What_?" You squawked, wincing at the sound before clearing your throat and trying again. "What do you mean how I appeared? What happened?"

"You still do not remember?" Gandalf seemed intrigued as the others gathered in closer to hear the exchange. "Ah.... I was afraid of this...  They are still angry with you…"

"Listen, just let me go, this has to be some kind of mistake...."  You tried.

"Indeed it is.  I just happened upon you when you materialized here out of the purest light I had ever seen, like you were sent from the heavens," Gandalf replied, scratching his beard in thought.  “However, you are too early, and that's not where you were…” the old man trailed off, murmuring about what kind of deal might have been struck.

You blanched at the grey one's description of you.  There was nothing heavenly or other worldly about you... Well maybe to them.  They must be professionals to be holding character so well. 

"I can assure you I didn't descend from the stars, if you can just tell me where we are I'm sure I can find my way home," you explained.  You didn’t know it then how wrong you were about your origins.

The others looked at you skeptically.  The one called Thorin finally freed you from his hold now that you were no longer actively trying to escape. It was so quick that you stumbled forward, the pendant you wore swinging from side to side from out of your jacket.  It seemed to catch the old man's attention.

“Hmmm, a curious piece of jewelry, do you remember how you came by it?”  Gandalf asked.  He seemed to recognize it.

"I don't know. It won't come off..." You admitted, embarrassed when the wizard tried for himself to pull the chain from around your neck to no avail.  No matter which way he pulled, the necklace repelled him.  You expected to be tugged along with the force he was using, but no, it was the wizard who was pushed back as if by some enchantment. Murmurs broke out around the group at this new development. You could have sworn you heard them mumbling something about cursed merchandise. 

"Well, do you remember your name or not?" Gandalf asked.

"Can't you just tell me where I am?" You asked helplessly.  When no one seemed to budge, you finally relented and gave them your name.

Gandalf said nothing; it would appear you failed whatever test he had just put you to.

"We are wasting time wizard..." Thorin said impatiently, and you couldn't help but agree.

"I think it best the girl comes with us," Gandalf began slowly.

"No, we cannot afford to have another slowing us down," Thorin argued.

"Yes, really, I'm a complete and total burden..." You said, hoping that if you played along they would just direct you on your way home.

Thorin seemed surprised by your agreement.

"I think not my dear... Not until we figure out the mystery surrounding your appearance.  You really have come too early. You could be in great danger,” the wizard had brushed off both of your arguments.

"There is no mystery; I didn’t mean to come here at all!" You shouted, bristling and losing your composure. You completely tuned out the part he had mentioned about great danger. "So help me, if you don't tell me where the hell we are I am going to rip that fake beard from your face! This is kidnapping!"  You were _pissed_.

There were a few gasps as the others stepped back from you, some protectively covering their prized facial hair. 

Gandalf, however, burst out laughing.

"Ah, you are just as I remember," the grey one replied.

Your fury was quelled by confusion.

"...but I've never met you..." You muttered quietly.

"Perhaps not in this time, I fear you are far from anything familiar.  We are not on earth as you would remember it," he began.  "Rather, as you knew it.  Well... You've been here before," he gestured around him.  There was a faint ringing starting in your ears as he was beginning to explain to you how you ended up here.  "However -"

"What does that _even mean_? How could we not be? I was just... I literally just..." You had cut him off, but your voice faltered as vertigo took over. 

Whatever he was talking about didn't make any sense.  How could you have been here before?  Why did Gandalf seem to know who you were, but the others did not?  Why couldn't you just remember what happened?  You knew who you were, where you came from in the modern world, but there were big chunks of time missing from your memory now.  It was too much to take in. The last thing you wanted was to lose consciousness in front of these strangers, but your body had other ideas on how to cope with the stress. Before you knew it, the world was black and you were headed face first for the dirt.

Sturdy arms once again wrapped around you and hauled you up.  Thorin had been the one closest to you.  He was clearly not thrilled with the idea of having literal dead weight to carry around.  Still, he had enough decency to not let a pretty lass go keel over in to a mud puddle and had quickly caught you.

"What are we supposed to do with her?" Thorin was irritated, your limp form now slung over his shoulder.

"She will have to come with us, at least until she remembers who she is," Gandalf replied as though it were obvious.  "I'll take responsibility for her safety..."

"Very well, let us move on then," Thorin conceded his voice gruff with displeasure.  “We’ve wasted enough time…”

 

* * *

 

_"But you're a wizard... can't you just cast a spell and fix all this?  Fix my memories?"  You asked._

_"I'm afraid not.  Tampering with magic is dangerous enough.  Tampering when you are not sure what the ailment is can be even worse.  It is not my place to restore your memories," the old man replied._

* * *

 

Your conversation with Gandalf from several days ago replayed over and over in your head.  After being chased down by an orc pack, encountering Radagast the Brown, and taking refuge with the elves, you had come to believe that you really weren't in the modern world anymore. 

Gandalf seemed to have all the answers.  Every time he attempted to explain things to you, where you came from and what you were doing here, your ears would ring painfully, blocking out all sound.  It was rather annoying, and it was decided that you would have to remember on your own. 

You had just been dismissed from Elrond and Gandalf's company.  The wizard intended to ask the elf his opinion on the matter.  It’s not like you’d be able to hear what they were saying, so what was the point?  It was weird how everyone looked at you like you reminded them of some one.  It was like they all had a serious case of deja vu.

You let out a deep sigh, finding the nearest abandoned location to collect your thoughts.  If nothing else, it was beautiful here.  What had they called this place?

… _Rivendel_? 

Your dwarven companions were not very happy about where you had ended up, but at least for now you were safe from the orcs. 

You had attempted to keep your distance from the dwarves, but getting chased by monsters and running for your life has a strange way of bringing people together.  Your closest ally right now was the hobbit. 

Bilbo had officially welcomed you in to Thorin Oakenshield's company, revealing that he was out casted in much the same way you were.  You were grateful for your new little friend.  While Gandalf seemed amiable, you still couldn’t figure him out.  He seemed the most familiar to you second only to Thorin, but you didn’t know how that would be possible.  The other dwarves were fun to be around, but they never questioned their leader who had made it clear that you were only here because Gandalf had taken responsibility for you.

"It's a beautiful night."

You were startled out of your reverie by a familiar voice.

"Ah, yes..." You replied, looking over your shoulder to see Bilbo there.  Offering a smile, you patted the railing next to you indicating that he should sit.  "I had to find somewhere else to go, they are talking about me again," you said, your tone conveying your dismay.

"Y... yes, I can imagine this whole situation must be very.... very frustrating for you," he replied, coming to rest in the spot you had motioned to.  At least he was always sympathetic to your dilemma.  No one else really bothered with you too much except for Fili and Kili, and that was only when they were bored and trying to find out more about you.  It had become a bit of a game for them, figuring out what you remembered, what you didn't, and what you simply refused to tell them.

"I just wish I could remember what happened, I keep having these weird dreams, and I can't piece them together," you said quietly.

"Don't worry too much... I'm sure it'll work itself out in time."  Bilbo fell silent for a moment before continuing.  "I think we're continuing on through the mountains, are you coming with us?"  He asked.  It was nice to have a friend who wasn't reminding you at every turn that you were just a burden.

"I think I'm to stay behind with Gandalf."  Noticing his disappointment you quickly add on, "I’m sure we'll catch up with you soon though."  It seemed Bilbo enjoyed your newfound friendship as much as you did.

Your conversation was cut short; Bofur was gathering everyone up to leave.

"Stay safe out there," you had called after them. The hobbit responded with a smile and a wave over his shoulder.

You were offered a room to rest, traveling supplies, and new clothes to make you look less conspicuous.

It was some hours after that when Gandalf came to find you.

"Elrond agrees that if you wish to find answers, it's best for you to continue to travel with us.  You can of course choose to stay here if you prefer, but it will take longer.  You may not be able to accomplish the task necessary to restore your memory if you stay here," the old wizard explained.

"Well, it would seem I don't have much of choice," you replied with a wistful smile.  "I feel strange though, like this has happened before."

Gandalf merely smiled at you and gave a shrug. 

" _Life_ is but a great mystery to us all.  Everyone has their own path to follow, but when one path becomes intertwined in another... well... it is all the more fascinating to see it unfold," he told you.

You offered him a wry smile, unsure of how to take his wisdom.

* * *

 

It was only a short time after your talk with Gandalf had ended that he insisted the two of you needed to leave immediately.  He transported the two of you away from Rivendel, leaving you in a sunlit wooded area just outside of what he referred to as the troll mountain.  He needed to go in for a "bit of damage control". 

Minutes turned in to an hour.  You weren't sure how long you were waiting, worrying, hiding in that tree.  You didn’t dare come out until you were sure it was just the dwarves and Gandalf that had emerged from the caverns.  Sure enough, your patience paid off, and you left your hiding spot as you saw their familiar faces come running from the caves.

One by one Gandalf was counting up the dwarves.  He included you in his roll call and then stopped, looking around concerned.

"Where is our burglar?"  He asked.

With the hobbit nowhere in sight, it was then that Thorin gave a speech about how Bilbo had abandoned them.  He was probably returning home, he was never meant for this anyway.  Everyone seemed to get really quiet, disheartened, until a familiar voice sounded from behind the trees.

"Bilbo!"  You exclaimed.  You were just as excited as the others, with the exception of Thorin, when the hobbit came forward. 

A grin broke out on your face as you rushed forward to give him a hug.  You heard Kili mutter something about hobbits being lucky, but paid it no mind.

"I was so worried about you," you said, not willing to lose the only friend you really had thus far.

"Yes, I... I'm alright..." He replied, returning your embrace before addressing Thorin.

"...And you're right... I do miss home..."  Bilbo continued on to explain that he returned so that he could help the dwarves regain their home.  The tender moment was cut short when the orcs attacked. 

 _Azulk_ , _Azid_... What the hell was his name? 

 _Azog_!  That was it. 

Apparently he was supposed to be dead, and yet here he was, leading an orc pack to kill you and everyone else associated with Thorin Oakenshield.

The defiler and his group were suddenly upon you.  Before you knew it, Gandalf had swept you up to his side and you were running.  Always running it seemed.  Well, if nothing else, you were going to be in such good shape...

Trees, flaming pine cones, Thorin almost getting himself mauled to death, and Bilbo surprising everyone.  That was how the next hour of your life had played out.  It was horrifying, even when the eagles had come to your rescue, carrying you and your companions away from the orcs. 

You had never witnessed firsthand so much violence before.  You had a feeling it was only going to get worse from here on out.  Terror clawed at your insides with razor sharp claws as you were flown to safety, and you couldn’t entirely blame it on flying with a giant bird.  You were inexplicably worried about the leader of your little troupe.  It didn’t make sense though.  You hardly knew Thorin, and you couldn’t say you were really caught up in their cause at this point.  It seemed only time would reveal the motive to your strange emotional responses to these events.


	3. Enemies as Far as the Eye can See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you thought the Orcs were annoying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I don't own anything.
> 
> Leave feedback if you're feeling so inclined, and please forgive any errors that I let slip. :)
> 
> Italics are for emphasis and words/names of another language that I do not have properly formatted.

The following weeks found you taking refuge at Beorn the skin changer’s home.  Thorin had healed of his injuries from the “battle of the fire cones” as you so enjoyed calling it.  The dwarves were starting to warm up to you even more, and you found that you started to really enjoy being around them.  It was like being reacquainted with friends you had not seen in years.  Bilbo was still your go to any time you needed to talk.  If anything the two of you had grown closer.

The strange dreams still came and went, making even less sense than before.  You were beginning to feel hopeless about getting your memories back.  Maybe you should just get used to your new life, following the dwarves like a lost puppy.  The question still hung in the air about what you were here to do.  How would you be able to complete your task when you did not know what it was?  Maybe this stupid necklace was a clue, or maybe you were cursed to never remember. 

"I don't like dwarves, but I hate orcs more.  What do you need?"  Beorn had been negotiating with Thorin.  The rest of the dwarves, yourself and hobbit included, had been seated around the large table eating breakfast.  Gandalf stood off to the side observing the events as they unfolded.

"Ponies," Thorin said.  It would make getting to Mirkwood much quicker, and you would be able to outrun the orcs that were close behind you.  You almost sputtered your drink, Kili giving you a not so helpful slap on the back.

"Alright there?"  Bilbo asked you.

"Er... yea... I've just never been on a horse before... or a pony... or anything...." you replied.   

“Well, you rode the eagle,” Ori reminded you.

“That was different, I didn’t have to worry about controlling it or tumbling off,” you defended yourself.

"Aw, it's easy," Kili said, trying to encourage you.  "Just don't let go, and don’t fall off."  He and the immediate dwarves around you started laughing.

"Yes.  I'm sure, _so easy_ ," you responded, color draining from your face as Thorin ordered everyone up and out.

"I've only fourteen ponies and a horse," Beorn said.  “Two will have to saddle together.”  

" _Oh well_ , looks like I'll have to stay behind," you said brightly.  You couldn't place where your fear of riding had come from, but it was very real and tangible in that moment.  Maybe you had traveled on horse before, but you couldn't remember it.  "Say, do you need a roommate?"  You asked Beorn, part in jest, but mostly seriously.

"You can ride with me," Nori said.

Immediately the others chimed in, arguing about who you would ride with.  Gandalf let out a sigh, shaking his head at the display.  You on the other hand had never felt so embarrassed in your life to have this many men fighting over you.

"Nonsense, the girl will ride with me," Thorin said.  His voice was rough with aggravation, easily silencing the others.

"Oh, no, really, I don't want to be a bother.  You see, Beorn and I were just talking about living arrangements," you replied, putting your hands up defensively.

Thorin rolled his eyes at your antics, moving his pony over to where you stood.  The skin changer easily lifted you and sat you behind the dwarf king.  You despaired as even Beorn found amusement in your predicament.  You sat stock still behind Thorin, looking rather ridiculous at that.

"If you want to avoid falling off, I suggest you hold on to me," Thorin advised, his voice sounding more patient than you expected.

"Right..." you said slowly.  You had been trying to sit as far back as possible to avoid touching him.  You couldn’t say what it was about him.  You felt drawn to him, and yet, he was being so distant.  He clearly didn’t remember you, but the look he gave you when you first met seemed to speak otherwise. 

Deciding that having your personal space invaded was better than tumbling to the ground, you slowly wrapped your arms around his waist.  You were glad to be sitting behind him so that he wouldn't see that your cheeks were burning hotter than the sun.  The others, all except for Bilbo, found great hilarity at your expense.

"Onward!"  Thorin called, giving a swift kick to get the pony moving. 

At the sudden movement you let out a small squeak, and tightened your hold, involuntarily pulling yourself closer to him.

"Relax, I won’t let you fall," Thorin said with the first traces of amusement that you had heard from him the entire trip thus far.  It was the first time you had gotten anything other than vague interest or just plain indifference from him.

With a quiet sigh, you did as he asked, the tension slowly leaving you as you became more comfortable.

 

* * *

 

The ride to Mirkwood went quicker than you thought it would.  It's not like you had any sense of where you were going to help you.

Thorin dismounted and then turned, lifting you down by your waist, your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself until your feet reached the ground.

"Thank you," you said quietly.  The king released you slowly, perhaps a bit too slowly.  He nodded in response to your thanks, turning to eye up the woods as everyone else had been doing.

"There's a sickness about this forest," Bilbo said, brow furrowed.

"Indeed," Gandalf replied, walking closer and starting in to the trail.

"Release the ponies back to their master.  They cannot travel through the forest.  Not my horse, I need it," the wizard said, emerging back to the field after only a moment.

"You're not leaving us."  Bilbo stated more than asked, fear lacing his voice.

Gandalf paused, looking over the group with concern.  His eyes rested on your face, the worry there unmistakable.

"Thorin, I must ask you to watch out for the girl," Gandalf began.

"Why can't I just go with you," you asked, panic creeping it's way in.  While relations had improved between yourself and the other dwarves, you didn’t feel they had completely accepted you as one of their own.

"She is your responsibility-" Thorin tried to protest.

"Where I am going is no place for even the most powerful of beings, least of all her.  Give me your word, on your honor, that you will protect her until I return," the grey one insisted.

"I could not-"

"Give me your word Oakenshield!" Gandalf commanded in a booming voice.  "Just because you are in denial about her value to us does not mean that she isn't an imperative part of this quest," he was towering over all of you now, in no mood for the dwarf’s stubbornness.  Your ears had begun ringing again, but the sensation faded when Gandalf let the subject drop.  Just what was all that about? 

"Very well," Thorin bristled.

"Your word," Gandalf pressed.

" _Fine_ , I give you my word, on my honor, that I will protect the girl until you return," he hissed out through clenched teeth.

It was rather comical how everyone's gazes bounced back and forth between you and the two arguing males.

"Good, do not let me down, for it is you who will be sorely disappointed.  Stick to the trails or you will be lost forever.  _Do not_ enter that mountain without me," Gandalf said with foreboding.  He mounted his horse and was riding away from you before anyone could protest.

With the wizard well out of sight, Thorin pointedly ignored you as you shrank back beside Bilbo, wishing more than anything that you could just vanish in to thin air.  You misunderstood his reluctance for annoyance and dislike.  In reality, it had nothing to do with either of those emotions.

"Well, what are you waiting for, let us go," Thorin grunted out, making his way in to the forest.

Bilbo put a reassuring hand on your shoulder as you began your journey through the diseased trees.  You gave him a wavering smile, not trusting your voice to speak.

The path was winding and unclear, the company quickly lost their way.  Bilbo had left your side to climb up the nearest tree to try to gain an idea of which direction to go.

You waited below with the dwarves, disappointed at how uncomfortable you felt.  Separation anxiety was kicking in and you were trying your best to hide it.  Ever since Thorin had made such protest about having to guard you in Gandalf’s absence, you could feel your nerves grinding away even more.  You felt like Bilbo was the only one on your team that actually wanted you there. 

Bofur moved to stand beside you, offering a grin, as if he could read your mind to try and contradict your previous thoughts.

"Don't worry lass, we'll be out of here soon enough," he tried to console you.

You had opened your mouth to thank him when the sound of rustling met your ears.  Expecting Bilbo, everyone looked up.  It was you who caught sight of the massive, several legged forms coming at you through the trees.

"Oh... my... god...  _Spiders_!"  You shrieked.  The dwarves circled in around you, trying to fight off the invasion.  They were slowly getting picked off one by one.  God, if this wasn’t one of your worst nightmares, you didn’t know what was. 

In the chaos you scrambled to escape, cursing Gandalf for abandoning you just as much as the spiders that were plaguing you and the rest of your companions. 

You were long gone by the time Bilbo started back down the tree, saying that he knew the way. He called your name several times before being confronted with a spider and becoming trapped within its web.

The distraction of the dwarves must have been enough to keep the spider's attention away from you.  It was a painful realization when you stopped running long enough to look around and found nothing familiar.  You had to go back and try to help them.  There was not much you could do.  You were never properly armed.  The small dagger you had received from Elrond was the only weapon you carried, and you seriously doubted that you would be brave enough to get that close to one of the spiders.

Suddenly a shiver ran down your spine, the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end as you looked over your shoulder.  You had come face to face with the one thing you hoped to avoid.  Your scream echoed through the forest as the spider that had stalked you here went in for the kill.  Shoulders tense, and eyes shut, you were braced for death. 

It never came.  The beast let out a cry as it was shot in the face with an arrow.

"Thorin?"  You turned around, voice raised in question thinking that he had escaped and come to your aid.  To your disappointment it was no dwarf, but an elf towering over you.

There were many of them.  The blonde one appeared to be their leader.  He looked at you with curiosity before speaking out an order in elvish.  You were taken roughly by the shoulders and disarmed of the only weapon you had ever had.  Did they really think you were a threat?

"Let me go!"  You yelled, struggling to escape.  They did not listen, dragging you along with them as they headed straight back in to the fray.  The dwarves had escaped the webs and were now trying to kill off the spiders when the elves intervened and put an end to the fight.  Before anyone could really process the situation, the dwarves were surrounded, each having a weapon in their face.

The blonde was speaking to the red headed elf in their native tongue after she had successfully saved Kili.  His bow was raised, prepared to shoot Thorin square between the eyes.

"Do not I think I won't kill you dwarf," he said, eyes moving over to where you stood.  "Have you lost something?" 

With a motion of his hand, the elf that had you detained brought you forward, silencing you with a hand over your mouth.  Panic fueled your actions has you bit down hard on the hand covering your lips, a cry of pain coming from your captor.

"What happened?"  The she-elf asked, turning to look at the elf that had been in charge of you.

" _She bit me_!"  He hissed, holding his hand tightly.  There was a look of approval on your companions’ faces.

" _I told you to let me go_ ," you ground out as he shoved you to the ground.

"Leave her out of it," Thorin growled.

Well, this was it.  You were definitely going to die.  You had a good run you thought, trying to console yourself.  The elf you had assaulted seemed intent on punishing you until the she-elf yelled out an order.  She came over and pulled you up by your arm.

"That is enough; they will answer to Lord Thranduil."  She tugged you along, more gently than the others had been, but still eyeing you warily.  "Come and no harm shall befall you."

* * *

 

And that was the story of how you found yourself facing the King of Mirkwood.  The rest of the dwarves were thrown in to cells, and only you and Thorin were left alone with Thranduil.

Thorin had strategically placed himself in front of you, meaning to defend you if necessary.  God, why did you always have to be such a burden? 

You were silent as the conversation began between them.  Thranduil was calling Thorin out on the true meaning of his quest and wanting to make a bargain.  You were unsurprised when they could not compromise; insults were thrown in both directions.

"Very well, stay here and rot.  One hundred years is nothing but a blink in the life of an elf.  Take him away," Thranduil dismissed him.

" _Not_ the girl," he ordered when a guard came to take you away as well.

Your eyes widened as you were grabbed by the shoulders and prevented from following after Thorin.

"She has nothing to do with this.  _She doesn't even know who she is_ ," Thorin argued, fighting to stay by your side as guards came to take him away.  He cursed the wizard, feeling compelled to protect you, hating the look you gave him when he was unable to keep his word.

"All the better, perhaps she will be more talkative," the elf king replied.  He stood slowly, rising from his throne and grabbing your chin in his hands.  Why did everyone have to look at you like they somehow knew you?  You did not recognize Thranduil at all, and it seemed he was having a hard time piecing together why you looked so familiar. 

You jerked backwards out of his grasp.

"Don't touch me," you murmured, your voice laced with repugnance.  Why did these strangers think they could just do whatever they wanted with you?  Did personal space not exist in middle earth?

"Keep your filthy hands off of her," Thorin warned.  This seemed to only fuel Thranduil's amusement.

"Ah, I see... You can have her back when I am finished… away with him." 

It was no easy task dragging Thorin from the throne room, two other elves had to come in and assist their comrades with the task.

Finally, you stood alone before the elf king as Thorin's shouts of protest died down the further away they took him and all became silent.

" _Tell me_ ," he drawled, "what is a human doing in the company of dwarves?"

You averted your gaze to the ground, refusing to speak.

He let the quiet linger, hoping to make you uncomfortable.

"Your silence will not save you girl.  I do not know what your loyalty is to them, but I can offer you much more.  Protection...  Safety…  You need only tell me what I wish to know," he tried to manipulate you, growing frustrated when you continued to pretend like he wasn’t there.

He paused, thinking only momentarily about how he wanted to proceed.

"I have been generous, but I can be cruel.”  Thranduil was invading your space again, hunched down to stare in to your eyes.  “Tell me what the dwarves have that enable them to think they stand a chance of entering and reclaiming Erebor.”  His breath tickled your face and you had to fight down the urge to shove him back a few paces.

Instead, you heaved a sigh. 

“ _No._ ”   You had responded with as much venom as you could muster.

Maybe the dwarves were starting to rub off on you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to betray them.

Thranduil moved so quickly that you didn't have time to flinch.  The back of his hand connected viciously with the side of your face.  It seemed out of character for him to react this way, perhaps you had seriously offended him the last time you saw him.  It’s not like you would remember.  You were tossed aside as though you were nothing more than a rag doll. A cry of pain and surprise escaped your lips as you fell to the ground, your hand going up to tenderly sooth your injured cheek.

"Such _insolence_ will not be tolerated, take her away, she is as useless as they.  If she refuses to see reason then she can rot with her beloved dwarves."  Thranduil waved his hand and you were hauled to your feet.  Your lip trembled, but you refused to cry in front of them.  You were more angry than anything at your own weakness.

You were paraded back to the cells, an angry red mark already beginning to bruise on your face.

"What have ya done to her?"  Balin yelled.  His voice was soon followed by the others, angry threats to cut off the elves pointy ears, among other things, were echoing through the dungeons.

" _Silence_!  She has made her allegiance known," the elf barked back, practically dragging you up the stairs.

A door was slammed shut in your face after you were tossed to the ground inside.  Tears burned in your eyes as you drew your knees to your chest, your arms wrapped around them in a vice grip as you hid your face.  Your shoulders shook as you tried to contain your sobs, hot tears dampening your sleeves.  All of your bottled up emotions chose this very moment to over flow and make themselves known. 

"There, there lass, it's alright now," Oin called to you from the cell across the way. 

You jerked violently when you felt a hand on your shoulder, leaning away from the touch until your red rimmed eyes looked up to see that Thorin had knelt down beside you.  You had not realized that you weren’t alone in the cell. He slowly reached out to take your chin between his fingers, tilting your head to better look at the injury done to your face.  You watched him, confused, tears still falling unbidden.

"He did this to you."  His voice was gravely, his tone unreadable.  It was not a question.  Still you answered.

"Yes," your voice cracked.

Thorin swore under his breath in a language you did not understand, his eyes turning from concerned to furious in seconds.  He gently released you, lending his hand to help you stand.

You hesitated before reaching up to accept his offer.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

"W... _what_?"  Your voice sounded terrible, your eyes hurt, and your cheek was throbbing.  You were unsure of how to react to this side of him. He had always been so distant towards you, save for when he had let you ride with him, it caught you off guard.

"I let you down," Thorin ground out, clearly angry that he had not been able to uphold his word. 

His pride had been damaged.

You shook your head.

"...you didn't..."

"It won't happen again," he cut you off, turning away.  There was an alcove carved in to the cell where one could lay down.  "You should get some rest," he nodded towards it.  "They will not so much as lay a finger on you."

You chanced one last look at Thorin before laying down, facing away from him to lay your head down on your uninjured side.  You didn't know what to say to him.  You didn't want him to have to be responsible for you.  Deciding to take his advice, you attempted to calm down, your nerves still on edge.  Sleep still came more easily than you thought it would.  You were exhausted, and felt safe enough knowing the king under the mountain was watching over you.


	4. Breaking Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you are forced to spend time with Thorin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing.
> 
> Please forgive any errors.
> 
> Italics are for emphasis and names/words of another language that I do not have properly formatted.
> 
> Leave some feedback, you know, if you're feeling up to it. :)

All was calm in the dungeons now.  Soft voices echoed in conversation somewhere further down.  Above, the elves were celebrating.  The dwarves had carried on for quite some time after your return, swearing revenge.  Who would sink so low as to lay his hands on an innocent girl?

Thorin sat on the ground near the door to your shared prison, listening, thinking, trying to find another way to free you and the rest of the company.  Your burglar was still missing.

It had been hours since Thranduil had banished you to the dungeons.

You slept on in silence for most of that time.

You were dreaming again, the images coming to you more vividly than ever before.

There was a battlefield.  There was a town engulfed in flames.  There was Thorin being impaled by the pale orc.

Your breath hitched.  Tears welled and overflowed from your eyes.  Why were you crying?

_“Thorin, no!”_

_You were suspended in time, the scene before you replaying over and over again.  There was ice.  It was so cold._

_Somewhere in the distance you could hear your name being called.  It was like you were in a dark tunnel and someone was calling to you from the mouth of the cave.  The voice echoed around you, laced with concern.  What were they calling you?  You recognized the name as your own, but it sounded foreign like you hadn’t been called that in ages._

_“Please, no… you can’t…”_

You were still trying to find a way to stop the events of your dream, but you could not move.

You choked out a sob.

Then, the dream was gone.  Your eyes snapped open, and you gasped, sitting up quickly.

The images were fleeting, and your brow furrowed as you tried to hold on to them.  You started when something wet fell on to your hand.  Slowly, you raised your fingers to your cheek to find that you had actually been crying.  This had never occurred before.

Reality came back to you as you remembered where you were and what had happened just the day before.  Your cheek was sore with a heated bruise.  It would grow darker and turn an ugly green before fading away.

Your eyes wandered until they came to rest on your cell mate.  You were suddenly self-conscious as you realized Thorin had been watching you closely.

“Are you well?”  He asked.

“Yes… _No_ ,” you replied, unsure of how to react to the softer side of him. 

“What did you see?”

“I don’t…  The dream is already fading, but I think that I saw you.”

“You said my name.” Thorin stated.  “You were crying.”  He had adjusted the way he was sitting so that he was fully facing you.

“I’m still crying it seems,” you muttered, frustrated that you continued to fail to understand the purpose of your task.  You didn’t want the dreams to be real.  You didn’t want him to die.  You couldn’t hold on to it, your understanding and memory fleeting with the vision you had seen.  Were they premonitions of the future?  Were they just fears you had? 

He had gotten up slowly and came to stand beside your seated form, lifting a hand to gently wipe away the last of your tears.

It startled you, but you allowed him to do so.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”  You asked. 

“Why are you so surprised that I am capable of such a thing?”  He countered. 

You opened your mouth to reply, but stopped, your eyes rising to meet his.  There was warmth there that had been missing previously, or perhaps you had been too distracted to notice it before.   For the first time since you had literally run in to him in the forest, you actually looked at him.  You had noticed the grey in his hair, the braids, and the hard curve of his jaw.  The way he was looking at you now seemed so different from all the times before.  It was like the ice between you two melted in that single look.  You felt your cheeks heat up, embarrassed, you tore your gaze away from him.

“That’s not it,” you said with a sigh.

“Then what…?”  He asked.

You weren’t sure what to think about this conversation.  These were probably the most words the two of you had ever spoken to each other.  What was he getting at?  It was hard for you to decide on how to proceed.

“I just… I know I haven’t made things any easier for you by being here,” you finally admitted.  “I know you see me as a burden.”

Thorin was silent for a while, contemplating your assessment.

“You misunderstand my intentions,” he said finally.  “It’s not-”

He was cut off when the red-headed she-elf had come to the door.  She spoke plainly to you, holding a jar with a salve that was meant to ease discomfort.

“I’ve come to see to the girl,” she stated, eyeing Thorin with a calculating stare.

He returned her gaze, not willing to be the one to break eye contact first.

“I think you’ve done enough to her,” he replied, moving to stand in front of you and blocking you from her view.

The elf repressed an eye roll, addressing you directly, she said your name.

“I am Tauriel.  Would you allow me to assist you?”  She asked.  You remained silent, averting your gaze to the ground.  While she had been kind to you earlier, you shared in Thorin’s distrust of these elves.

“Come on Thorin, let her help, she’s just doing it as a favor to Kili,” Fili hollered from across the way.

The king under the mountain seemed unwilling to yield, turning to look at you over his shoulder.  The bruise on your cheek was already severely discolored.

“Does it hurt badly?”  He asked you.

“It will only worsen,” Tauriel said.

“It is bearable,” you finally replied.  After all, it was only excruciating when you moved your mouth, or tried to talk, or accidentally tensed your jaw.  For a short time you were almost certain that Thranduil had broken something.

With a sigh, Thorin relented and stood back to allow the she-elf to enter.  Two armed guards remained at the door to ensure that there was no question of escape.

Tauriel kneeled before you, drawing you closer to her by grasping your hands and pulling you forward from your slouched sitting position.  Her eyes shown with pity as she began to apply the medicine.  You winced and jerked your face away from her, not prepared for the pain it would cause.

“I am sorry,” she said, holding you still with a hand opposite your injured cheek.  You were better primed to deal with the hurt this time as she continued to rub the mixture in to your skin.

“It will take some time to be effective, but it will speed the healing process.”  Tauriel was finally satisfied with her work, and you were once again left alone with Thorin.

Nothing like being locked up in a jail cell to break the ice and spend some quality time together.  You missed Bilbo badly, and hoped that he had been able to escape the spiders.

“I do not see you as a burden,” Thorin broke the silence after several minutes.

You had been staring at the wall opposite where you sat, and you were certain you could bore a hole in to it with your gaze.  You blinked when you heard his voice breaking through your mental concentration.

“You have an odd way of showing it,” was your reply.

“I was unwilling to have another person’s fate attached to my conscience.”  He had resumed his place by the door, staring out in to the distance.  His response surprised you.

“You didn’t want to feel guilty if I were to be killed?”  The question sounded weird to your own ears, talking about the possibility of death was not something you enjoyed.

“Yes.”

You started laughing, a giggle that slowly built its way up to a musical sounding chuckle.

“I really very seriously thought you hated me,” you said after you had calmed yourself, a warm smile coming to rest on your face. 

“We’ve not been together all that long, how could I?”  Thorin asked, the corner of his mouth turning up to smile back at you.

“I didn’t know.  I figured it was best to just leave well enough alone.”  You weren’t sure what had prompted him to start opening up to you, perhaps it was that he felt responsible for you now.

“Aye, I couldn’t figure out why you were so troubled around me.”  He admitted. 

You gave him a disbelieving look.

“You didn’t think that I was avoiding you because you had made it clear that you wanted nothing to do with me?  The only friend I had was Bilbo,” you stated, a frown pulling down at your lips.  _Where was he_?

“I am not accustomed to showing my affections, the years have hardened me more than I realize.”  He looked over to you again, noting your frown.  “I’m sure the hobbit is fine.”

Whether or not he actually believed that, or he was just saying it to make you feel better, you were unsure.

“You didn’t have to make any declarations of love Thorin, you speak to me easily now, and it is easier for me to be around you.”

“It is as simple as that then?”

“Yes,” you replied, finally feeling more like yourself.  You didn’t realize how tired you were of walking on egg shells around him until you did not feel the need to anymore.

“About time the two of you start getting along,” Bofur called from somewhere in the dungeon.

“Indeed,” Thorin agreed.  “It will be much easier to protect you if you have a little bit of trust in me.”

Your expression softened at the sentiment.

“There may be hope for you yet,” you conceded.

Thorin was unsure of how to take your statement, and for the first time since you had met him, the two of you fell in to comfortable silence.

 

* * *

 

Another day had passed, and the dwarves were each given a turn to be interrogated by Thranduil.  The elven king wanted to know the true nature of their task and what their advantage was.  None would speak.  You had hoped that you would not be forced to speak with him for a second time.  The salve had done you well, the pain nearly gone and the bruise almost completely faded.  It would appear that once again that the odds were not in your favor as Tauriel came in that evening to retrieve you.

“What?  Again?  No!  I am not going, you will have to drag me out of here by my hair,” you said stubbornly.  You couldn’t recall if you were always this difficult or if your attitude had a little help from your friends.

“You heard her, she’s not going, and I do not intend to allow you to force her,” Thorin said.  His voice was dark with intended threat.  You decided that you could easily get used to being under the dwarf king’s protection.

“ _Please_ ,” Tauriel called you by name.  “I will be with you the whole time; I will not allow you to be harmed again.  My Lord Thranduil wishes to make amends with you.”

When that failed to work, the she-elf was at her wits end trying to convince you to go with her.

“I did not want to have to tell you this, but he promises retaliation on the rest of your company if you refuse to meet with him,” she said with a sigh.

You sat still, unmoving, staring at her and trying to determine the honesty in those words.

“What kind of retaliation?”  You asked, unwilling to risk the safety of the others.

“It is a trap.  There is nothing he can do to us, he is just trying to lure you out,” Thorin said, unwilling to have you be out of his sight for even a moment.

“Don’t be so sure dwarf,” one of the guards threatened, jabbing a spear to Thorin’s throat.

“Please don’t, I’ll come…”  You said defeated.

“Don’t do this, who knows what he will do to you this time?   I cannot protect you from in here,” Thorin’s voice was pleading.  He either actually had started to care about you, or took his oath to Gandalf very seriously.  You weren’t sure which it was.

“She will not come to any harm,” Tauriel assured you both.

“It will be you who pays for it if she does,” Thorin ground out.  He was held in place by the guards as Tauriel led you away, the point of the spear piercing his neck just enough to draw blood.  You gave one last look over your shoulder at him before he was out of your sight.

 

* * *

 

“ _You’re inviting me to your feast_?”  Your voice was incredulous as you stood before Thranduil once again.

“Think of it as an olive branch,” he said, indifference radiating in his every move. 

“What if I don’t want your olive branch,” was your reply.  Your face still hurt a little and you were still pretty miffed at the situation.

“Come now, don’t be ridiculous.  You have the opportunity to enjoy yourself for the evening.  I realize that in my haste to get answers…  Well, I was wrong.  I thought that perhaps showing you the true hospitality of the elves would be the wiser way for you see what we have to offer,” the elven king explained.  “Besides, I wouldn’t want to have to hurt your beloved rats.”

“I will _find you_ and gouge your eyes out as you sleep,” you hissed.  Your eyes were narrowed.  It was a bad idea to threaten a king, but you didn’t have any intention of letting him bully you any longer.

Instead of taking offense and throwing you back in the dungeon as you had hoped, Thranduil seemed regaled by your ferocity.  His laughter was everything you expected it to be: pompous, airy, and condescending.

“Tauriel, please lead our guest to the celebrations, I have had quite enough entertainment for one evening,” Thranduil dismissed you.

You gave your warden the most epic “do we have to look” before being gently tugged along.

* * *

 

“Thorin!”  Bilbo whispered as he appeared outside the cell.

“Bilbo!  Where have you been?”  Thorin asked.

At this point you had been gone for ages.

“I’ve been trying to find you.  I think I might have an idea on how to get us out, but I have other news,” the halfling began.

“Have you seen her?  She’s been gone for hours.”  Thorin had tried to hide the worry he felt at your absence, afraid that they were torturing you.  He didn’t know if he could stand to see you hurt again.  It had stirred feelings in him that had been long buried, things he hadn’t felt in decades.

“Er… yes, she’s… well… I think that she’s…”  The sound of a gate opening and footsteps coming in to the dungeons caused Bilbo to stop and take cover.

“Oh, he’s _such_ an idiot,” the sound of your slurred voice echoed around.

“Is she alright?”  Gloin asked as Tauriel led you back up to the cell you shared with Thorin.  It looked like she was more holding you up than restraining you.

The she-elf ignored Thorin’s pointed glare as she handed you off to him, locking the door tightly behind you.

“ _Good night, Tauriel_ ,” you called after her in a sing-song voice, laughing.  She glanced over her shoulder at you, trying to stifle her own laughter.

“ _Thorin_ , oh it’s good to see you,” you said, tipping this way and that.  The only thing that kept you from toppling over was his hands on your waist.  “Did you know that Thranduil is a great fool?”

“Aye, she’s fine,” Balin called, “just has a bit o’ the spirits in her.”

Thorin sighed, helping you to sit down.

“What’s the matter?  You look upset?  I hope I didn’t worry you too much, you see… it’s just that… he really thought...  no, listen to me,” you grabbed his cheeks in your hands and pulled him closer like it was some great secret.  “He actually believed that if he gave me enough wine, that I would give away all your plans.  _He_... Was... _So_...  Mad... When I told him, that I didn’t know what they were,” you finished your story with more laughter.  You had always been a jolly drunk.

The others seemed to find great entertainment at your inebriated state.

“We _have got_ to go drinking with her sometime,” Kili said.

With the coast clear, Bilbo appeared once more.

Your eyes lit up as you reached over Thorin to grasp his hands through the bars.  The hobbit shushed you, and you leaned in and whispered conspiratorially to him.

“Bilbo, where have you been?”  You spoke in an undertone, but were still a little bit loud.  “I missed you!”

“Well, I’ve actually been looking for you all.  I think I may have a way out for us, but we won’t be able to try it until tomorrow night,” Bilbo relayed the same answer he had given earlier, glancing at Thorin.  The halfling didn’t miss how you were all of the sudden completely comfortable with the dwarf king, practically lying across his lap to reach the cell door.

“Anything will do,” Thorin said, not knowing how Bilbo thought he would be able to get you all out of here unseen.

There was more commotion down at the main gate.

“I better go, I’ll be back for you tomorrow,” Bilbo whispered, giving your hands a swift squeeze as he disappeared in to the shadows.

You despaired as your friend was gone again before you knew it.  With a sigh, you sat back, ignoring the compromising position you had been in moments before.  You set yourself down beside Thorin, getting comfortable.  If he was disturbed by your proximity, he didn’t show it.

“It seems you’ve had a little too much,” Thorin stated, watching you out of the corner of his eye as you settled against his side.

“Perhaps, I don’t really believe there is such a thing,” you murmured, your head coming to lie on his shoulder.

You felt his chest vibrate with a deep chuckle at your answer, your forehead resting in the crook of his neck.

“Most would agree with you,” he replied.  “Would you not be more at ease lying down?”

“No.”  Your answer was short and sweet.  And that was the story of how you unceremoniously used the King under the Mountain as your pillow for the evening.  It didn’t seem he minded.  You _were_ his after all… well… his responsibility.  He was just following through on his vow to the grey one that he would take care of you.  At least, that is what he told himself as he allowed his arm to come about your shoulders and pull you a bit closer.


	5. Just out of Reach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bond is stretched, not broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing.
> 
> Please forgive any errors.
> 
> Italics are for emphasis and words/names of another language that I do not have properly formatted.
> 
> As always, feed back is appreciated. :)

The next morning would find you even more compromised than the night before.  You had dreamed again, but you could not recall what you had seen.  You were warm and comfortable upon waking.  Strong arms enveloped you.  There was a gentle rising and falling motion that was threatening to lull you back to sleep.  Realization dawned on you like a slap in the face and you became rigid.  Last night…

_Last night_ …

_Oh_ …

_Oh!_

_F-_

“You were crying in your sleep again,” Thorin’s voice cut through your thoughts.  His speech was deep, and heavy with sleep.  His cheek had been resting on the top of your head, and it remained there as he spoke to you.  “This was the only way I could comfort you to be quiet…”

Your eyes were wide, staring straight ahead out the cell door.  There was a leg on either side of you.  One arm was wrapped around your shoulders keeping you close, the other was lazily draped over your waist.  Your head rested securely under Thorin’s chin, lying heavily on his shoulder.  He was so much broader than you; you felt you could disappear within him completely.

“I… _I’m sorry_ … I don’t-” You tried to shift away from him, embarrassed at your actions and inconveniencing him throughout the night.

“There is nothing to apologize for,” he said tiredly, tightening his embrace around you.  It appeared he intended to keep you right where you were.  “It is early yet, go back to sleep.”

Slowly, and not without much difficulty, you were able to relax.  There was something so familiar about this situation.  You’d been having feelings of déjà vu for a while, but had just chalked them up to your lost memories.  This… this felt right.  In the back of your mind, you hoped that unconscious crying all night would not become the new norm. 

You tried to quiet your mind, and fall back to sleep.  His scent was familiar and soothed your frayed nerves.  They always said that the auditory and olfactory senses were able to elicit some of the most powerful memory recall.  You could feel it dancing just outside your reach.  Everything you had been forced to forget.  It sent a chill down your spine, causing Thorin to hold you more tightly.  You let out a deep breath, the tension slowly leaving you.  This was probably the most at ease you’d ever felt since coming here.  If you were honest, it was the most comfortable you had felt ever.  You did not realize you had fallen back asleep until you were gently roused by Thorin a few hours later, shifting you as he sat up.

You were slow to wake, and moved away from him once you were sure you could stand up without falling.  You immediately missed the warmth he provided you as the chill of the dungeons crept upon you when you stood.

You were grateful for the distraction of the elves bringing you breakfast, pretending like nothing had changed between you and Thorin as you began to eat the less than appealing food.

“You don’t have to do that,” the object of your thoughts said, starting into his own breakfast.

“Do what?” You asked in between bites.

“You don’t have to act like there’s distance between us,” he said plainly, surprising you with his keen observation.

It’s not like you could protest.  That had been exactly what you were doing.  You had gotten too close.  You didn’t want to get burned.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” he continued.  “I’d not have you revert to the way it was.  I would not hurt you.”

You had heard that line before, and the look on your face must have said it all as you glanced over to him.

He quietly sighed and said your name.

You felt a little guilty then, it wasn’t fair to project your past fears on to him.  Even though you had been missing most of your memories, that didn’t mean the feelings attached to them had also gone.  They snuck up on you in the most inconvenient of ways, like when you were nearly crippled at the idea of riding a horse.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed.  After finishing your food, you moved to sit closer to him.  “I suppose it was just yesterday that I spoke of speaking easily to one another.”

“You also don’t have to keep doing that.”  He added.

“What?”  You were genuinely confused.

“Apologizing… I realize that I had been too distant with you, but I wish to change that,” he said.

“It seems a bit unwarranted,” you replied.

“I feel it in my bones, you are important, though I’m not sure to what extent.  If we’re to continue speaking easily and honestly, I knew you were important from the moment I first laid eyes on you.”  He watched for your reaction, not disappointed when your expression melted in to one of surprise.

“I felt that too, and I keep having dreams about you,” you said.  “There is always a lot going on, but the only thing I really remember about them is your face.”

You were both silent for a few moments.

“I don’t know how this quest will end, but perhaps it is better that we are together,” he conceded.

“Gandalf thinks that the only way to get my memories back and complete my task is to stay with you,” you said.  “I think he knows exactly what happened, but there’s some kind of enchantment.  No one can tell me what it is I’m supposed to do.  Why I’ve been here previously.”

“I must have known you from before.  It is the only justification.”

“…for what?”  You asked.

“…for why I feel for you as I do,” he admitted as though it were obvious.

His straight forward answer stunned you.

“I think I understand.  When I see you in my dreams, I know you then, as if I’ve known you this whole time.  It’s very conflicting to feel like I recognize you and then not remember any of it.  What have I done?”  The last bit of that was rhetorical.  You were frustrated.  You were not just letting yourself down now, but Thorin too.

“I knew it as well when you were in danger.  I knew it even better when you were returned to me with a hurt that I could not spare you from,” he explained, referring to Thranduil’s initial meeting with you. 

“Maybe we can figure this out together?” You were hopeful.

“Aye, I think we can.”  He replied. 

You sighed, feeling compelled to rest your head on his shoulder once again, so you did.  He did not deny you, an arm sliding around your waist.  It was that way for a long while.  You each taking comfort in the presence of the other.

 

* * *

 

There was rustling outside your cell door later that evening.  You heard someone whispering your name.

“Bilbo, is that you?”  You whispered back.

“Yes,” the hobbit appeared, unlocking the door to your cell.

“It’s so good to see you!”  You said in hushed tones.

“And you too,” the hobbit offered you a smile before he went to free the rest of the dwarves.

“Stay close to me,” Thorin said, grabbing your hand and pulling you along behind him.

You did not need to be told twice.  Really, you didn’t need to be told at all.  Your small hand was swallowed by his larger one, and yet nothing felt more right about the situation.  If there was such a thing as fate, you must have been on the right track.

“Barrels, Master Baggins?”  Dwalin was the first to question the plan.

“Well, yes… you see, you each climb in to one and we escape.”  Biblo replied.  “We don’t have a lot of time to argue, we need to hurry if we’re going to succeed.”

Without further ado you were hoisted up by your waist and put in to a barrel, soon followed by Thorin.  It was a tight fit, but he was disinclined to have you on your own.  After thoroughly invading his personal space over the last few days, you didn’t really seem to mind. 

Thus began the journey down the river, initially chased only by elves, but you had to come together to face the greater threat of the orcs who had been waiting for you.

You spent most of the journey stuffed down in to the barrel, Thorin navigating you and the rest of the company through the danger as best he could.  The end of the ordeal found you washed up on the shore of the river; wringing out your wet clothes.

You were off to the side with Bilbo, trying to get caught up on his adventures while you were locked away in the dungeons. 

The company didn’t notice a man creeping up to them, bow drawn.

It was Dwalin that saw him first, using a branch as means of defense against the stranger.  Arrows were fired, disarming the dwarves who had taken up arms.

Thorin was beside you in a moment, as if he had been there the whole time, shoving you behind him.

The situation deescalated as Balin tried to negotiate with the ferrymen to give you a ride to Lake Town.  You felt an odd chill creep in to your bones, and you couldn’t entirely blame it on your soaking wet clothes.  You were nearing the end of your quest, and panic gnawed with sharp fangs at the back of your mind. 

“What’s a girl doing traveling with a group of dwarves?”  Bard asked, once the terms had been negotiated and you were aboard his barge.

“What’s it to you?” Dwalin asked threateningly. 

“Should it be something to me?”  The ferrymen had directed this question to you.

“No,” you replied, giving him a slight smile.  “I am here because I want to be.”

You weren’t sure if he believed you or not, but he nodded all the same.  He was now warily eyeing up Thorin who was giving him a death stare.  You were currently saddled up next to Bilbo to try and ease some of the cold.

“There are guards up ahead, if you value your freedom you’ll do as I say,” Bard said, asking for the money that was promised.

 

* * *

 

Despite the rough start the company had upon entering Lake Town, you and the others now found yourselves guests of the Master’s house.  Feast, drink, music, merry making, and rooms to rest in were all at your disposal.  Clean clothes and a bath had done you wonders.

The people were celebrating that Thorin was returning to reclaim Erebor.  They so desperately wished for the times before Smaug to come again, when gold ran down the river from the mountain.  You could see the change in Thorin already.  It seemed the closer you got to the mountain the more obsessed he came with his cause.  You watched him idly from your spot beside Bilbo at the feast table.  Thorin seemed happy enough, making merry with the rest of the company and all the others currently enjoying the luxury of the Master’s lavish resources.

“What’s wrong?” Bilbo asked you, dabbing at his mouth with a napkin.

“ _Oh_ , it’s nothing really,” you had responded.  You gave him an attempt at a smile before staring down at your plate.  Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the expectant look he gave you, not buying your cover up for even a second.  “ _Well_ , if you _must know_ … I just feel… foreboding?”

“Foreboding?”  Biblo repeated.  “Why?  We’re so close to reaching our goal.”

“I guess it’s because I still don’t know what’s going to happen.  I was supposed to figure out all these answers about myself on this quest, and I haven’t,” you replied.

“There’s still time yet,” Bilbo comforted you.

“Yea, I suppose you’re right, no need to be a Debbie downer,” your mood lifted a little, and you smiled as you caught Thorin’s gaze from across the table.

“What’s a ‘Debbie downer’?”  Bilbo asked.

You laughed out loud at the confused expression on his face.  Perhaps that modern world term was not one often heard here.

“It just means being sad and bringing everyone else down when you don’t need to,” you tried to explain.

It was then that Kili hauled you up from your chair, twirling you around to join in the dancing.  You couldn’t help but feel lighter, laughing as you were passed around, taking drinks of wine from random goblets as they were offered to you.  Maybe it was best to just enjoy the merriment while you could.  You had a feeling that it might be some time before you would be able to have this much fun with your friends again

“May I cut in?”  Thorin asked.  You had just been spun about the room by Balin, both of you red faced from drink and dancing.

“Of course!  It would be an honor,” you said with a laugh, going in to a mock bow.  You were probably almost as inebriated as that night at Thranduil’s feast when the tricksy elf thought he could pry Thorin’s secrets from your drunken lips. 

Dancing with Thorin had been much different.  He held you closer, weaving you about the room more gracefully than the others before him.  You were quite smitten with him in that moment.  You had always thought him handsome, but the way he smiled at you as the two of you swayed around the room had your insides melting.  You had completely forgotten your worries from earlier.  Long before you wished it to, the dance came to an end.  You just couldn’t help yourself; you leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you for the dance, your majesty,” you had said.  He was the King under the Mountain after all.

Thorin was surprised by your affection, but did not have time to respond as Oin swept you off again.  You would all sleep well tonight and be well rested for the morning.

After about an hour more, and not yet too late in to the night, some of the company began to retreat to rooms to rest in.  You, Bilbo, Balin, Thorin, and Bofur were the last to head up to sleep.  You bid Bilbo goodnight, throwing your arms about the halfling in a hug that nearly toppled the both of you.

Tipsy, you made your way through the halls attempting to find an empty room.  You weren’t having any luck as most were already occupied by a snoring dwarf or two.

“ _Lost_?”  A deep voice asked.

You started, turning around too quickly for your heavily incapacitated balance.  You would have fallen too were it not for the strong hands that came to steady you.

“Thorin,” you smiled.  Your cheeks were stained in a pretty blush from the wine drinking.  “I can’t seem to find an empty room,” you admitted.

"Then it is most fortunate that I've come to your rescue," he offered you a kind smile, allowing you to lean on him as he led you down the hall to a place where you could sleep.

After finding a suitable room, he made sure you were steady enough to get inside and lay down.  You hesitated with your hand on the door knob, looking over your shoulder to watch him make his way down the hall to find his own room.  Fear welled up within you, picking at your soul as you watched him leave.

“ _Wait_ ,” you called quietly.  Your voice had been so soft that you weren’t sure he heard you.

“Are you well?”  Throin stopped, turning to look at you.  He had not gotten far, and whatever emotions he saw flitting across your face were enough to make him return to your side. 

You found that your voice had decided to abandon you.  How could you begin to explain the fear you had?  The fear of what you did not yet know lurking deep within your bones.

“You’re afraid,” he stated.

Your shoulders slumped slightly, whether it was out of relief that he was able to read you so well or disappointment in that same fact, you were unsure.  How could you ask him to stay with you?  How did you explain that ever since things had started to come together between the two of you in Thranduil’s dungeons that you were uneasy without him?  How did you begin to tell him that being with him was the most at home you had felt for as far back as you could remember?

It seemed you did not need to.  Thorin simply nodded at you and gently guided you inside the room and to the bed.

“I did not wish to impress upon you,” Thorin said.

“You aren’t,” was your reply.  “I just need you to stay.”

You were both settled in to the bed.  His arms wrapped securely around you, holding you to his chest.  Your head fit nicely in the crook of his neck, your arm draped over his abdomen.  You felt secure, protected, and could have sworn you felt a soft kiss placed upon your brow before you once again entered the land of dreams.


	6. Unleashing Doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Smut and Some Dragon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill.

You slept quietly until the early hours of the morning.  Just as the sun was beginning to creep up in to the sky, you started mumbling in your sleep.

Thorin was roused by the sound of your voice.

"...I can't... this..." You were distressed, but he waited to wake you.

"Who are you?" He asked you softly, though not really expecting an answer. The both of you were still confused about the bond that existed between you.  Thorin was even more curious about your true identity, and how you had come to be so important to him.

"I am..." the rest of your answer was slurred.   "...name... ... _Ala… Morinehtar_."

" _Morinehtar_?" He repeated.

" _Thorin_ ," you lamented, your voice wavered on the verge of a sob. "I've..." You trailed off, hot tears rolling down your cheeks from closed lids. "...I've broken... all of them..."

"All of what?" He asked, pulling you closer. He cupped your cheek in his hand, using his thumb to wipe away your tears.

"...all... ...laws..." Your fingers curled in to the fabric of his shirt.

"Why?" Was his next question, coddling you closer to his chest.

"...I had to save you..." Your voice was soft, but you said no more as you had fallen right back in to a peaceful sleep.

"From what?" He wondered aloud, knowing there would be no more answers tonight; you were once again relaxed in his embrace.

A few hours later found you rested and ready to continue on your journey. You didn't miss the way Thorin stared at you as you stood at the vanity, washing your face from the water basin.

"What is it?" You asked, patting your skin dry with a clean towel.

You watched his reflection in the mirror as he came to stand behind you, his chin resting on your shoulder as his arms came about your waist. You relaxed back in to him, your curves melding in to his solid frame.  It was hard not to feel secure when you were completely encircled in his strength.  It no longer occurred to you to question the comfort you found with him.

"You spoke to me in your sleep last night," he began.

"… _more crying_?" Your lips turned down in to a grimace.  God, so this was going to be the rest of your life:  being an inconvenience, constantly crying, and never remembering your purpose.

"A little… Does the name _Morinehtar_ mean anything to you?" He asked.

"It is mine," you replied instantly and without a second thought. He looked surprised; the diamond pendant around your neck glowed softly.

"You knew?"

"No, and I know it only as something that I was once called.  I remember being addressed as such in my dreams now that you say it to me."  You paused as he moved your hair aside to place a kiss at the juncture of your shoulder and neck; it sent a pleasant shiver down your spine.  "Did I say anything useful?" You asked, allowing your eyes to fall closed.

"That you had broken all the rules to save me," he replied.

Your brow furrowed, your head was beginning to hurt.  You were delving too close to something.

"From what?" You tried to concentrate.

"I don't know," he sighed, his breath tickling your ear.

The tension eased and you were able to think clearly once more when he dropped the subject. The soft glow extinguished from within your pendant.

You turned in his hold to wrap your arms around his neck and draw him closer to you in a hug.  You stayed that way for a few minutes, and he was content to hold you.  He hummed softly in your ear and started to sway with you. You joined in, quietly humming along. You did not know the words, but you knew the tune.  It was then that you pulled back from him just enough to search his face. Your hand came up to rest on his cheek as your eyes locked.  Your lips were already so close, your eyes falling shut as he closed the remaining distance between you.

When your lips met it was like magic. A longing so familiar shook you to your core.  The disconnect in your brain between the emotions you felt in the present and the lack of memory of how they came to be no longer mattered.  Things progressed quickly from there. His fingers were tangled in your hair, walking you back towards the bed. Fumbling fingers made quick work of discarding both of your clothes.  He tossed you on to the bed and was soon upon you as he kissed his way up from your thigh to your lips.

"Are you sure?" Thorin paused, his lips brushing yours as he spoke. He was poised over top of you, waiting.

" _I need you_ ," you sighed against his lips.

That was all he needed to hear as he kissed you again and in a single thrust had joined the two of you together.  You had never felt so complete before.  It was like you had gone a lifetime without it. You moaned out his name over and over.  His lips left a blazing trail down your neck and to your breasts and any where else they felt called to lay claim.  Your nails left claw marks down his back as you rolled your hips in to his every thrust.  It was so new and yet so familiar, like it had been meant to be this way.

You stifled your cry of pleasure by biting down hard on your lower lip, riding out your orgasm.  Thorin soon followed and you were both spent, breathing hard as you descended from your climax.

* * *

 

Not very much time passed, and the two of you were still tangled up beneath the sheets.  You were both still unclothed, wrapped in the others embrace.  Your head rested on his chest, slowly rising and falling with his breathing. You were silent, listening to the sound of his heart beating as it slowed to its normal rhythm.

His fingers ran idly through your hair, gently working the tangles from it.

"I think I loved you," you admittedly quietly.

"I think I love you still," he responded, causing you to blush.

You were just about to respond when there was a knocking at your door and you could hear Bilbo calling your name from the other side. The color drained from your face as you heard him try the handle.

" _Yes_! I'm in here! I'll be down in a moment!" You squeaked.

"Are you alright?" The halfling sounded concerned.

" _Don't come in_!" Your voice went impossibly higher as you flung yourself from the bed and began throwing your clothes on. The dress the Master had provided for you was now wrinkled from being carelessly tossed to the floor.  Thorin seemed amused by your antics, simply reclining in the bed with his arms behind his head to watch you.

In record time you reached the door and cracked it open. You hair was completely disheveled; your brow still dampened with sweat from your activities just a little while ago.  Your cheeks were flushed as you plastered on a smile to greet your friend.

"Are you well? You look feverish," Bilbo looked at you worriedly.

"Yes, I'm okay.  I just slept in."  You felt a little bit bad when your lie did not entirely convince him.

"Okay, well, we've all been invited to breakfast. I was wondering if you happened to know where Thorin is. No one has seen him since last night."

You didn't get the chance to reply, or even explain as a deep chuckle sounded from directly behind you.

Thorin had come to stand at your back, clad only in his trousers, to open the door more fully.  You had not thought it possible for your face to get any redder.

"All is well Master Baggins, we'll be down to join you and the others shortly," Thorin said.  He couldn't have been any more amused by the situation. You were mortified as you slowly cast a glance back at Bilbo.  He looked between the two of you thoughtfully before it dawned on him what he had just walked in on.

"O- _oh_! Right! Right then...  I'll tell the others you'll be down!"  The hobbit offered you an apologetic smile before hurrying off down the hall way.

You slowly turned to look at Thorin. You didn't know what you expected him to say, but he merely put a hand behind your head to draw your forehead to his lips. The sweet gesture drained you of the anxiety you had been feeling moments ago.

"You love me?" You asked, watching as he finished dressing.

"Aye," he responded as he moved to lead you to sit down at the vanity chair.  You were content to watch his reflection in the mirror as he procured a hair brush from one of the drawers and began running it through your hair.  Once satisfied with his work he fixed a braid in your hair, securing it in place with a bead from one of his own braids.

When he was finished, you ran a finger down the length of the braid, stopping at the small bejeweled bead at the end.

"What does it mean?" You asked, though you felt you could guess well enough.

Thorin's only response was to cradle your cheek in his hand and place a tender kiss on your lips.  He left you sitting there as he went to join the others for breakfast.

You sat there for a moment, stunned.   It seemed the love you had had for one another was stronger than the course of reordered time, and the loss of the memories surrounding it.  It was enough to bring tears to your eyes.

You soon collected yourself and went downstairs to join the others.  All the chatter immediately stopped as you descended the last stair.  Your cheeks heated up as all the dwarves were staring at you, well not so much you specifically, but at the new ornament added to your hair.  The only two who were acting normally were Bilbo and Thorin.

" _Good Morning_?"  You couldn't help the upward inflection in your voice as you were unsure of how to proceed.

"That it is lass, that it is," Balin replied, effectively breaking the silence.  He seemed pleased that Thorin had found some happiness in you.

You nodded and quickly sat yourself between Bilbo and Kili.  You still didn't know what to say to the former about your earlier encounter.  Thankfully, it seemed you wouldn't need to explain anything as the halfling offered you the plate of bacon as if nothing had happened.

"Thanks," you said, smiling and filling your plate up.   You could see Thorin talking and laughing with the dwarves at the other end of the table.  Fili and Kili eyed each other from across the table before looking at you deviously.  They were up to no good you decided as you slowly stopped chewing and raised a brow at them.  You swallowed.  This all seemed awfully familiar.

"Well, what is it?" You asked taking a sip of water.

" _Oh,_ nothing," Kili said innocently.

"Yea, we were just wondering when we should start referring to you as our _aunt_ ," Fili responded in kind.

That last word out of his mouth was enough to make you spit out your water.  The dwarves around you erupted in to laughter.

"Let's not be too hasty," you said uneasily, sighing in defeat as they simply grinned and exchanged conspiratorial looks.  It didn't seem the quest was going to get any easier for you from here.

“Why so shy all of the sudden?  You certainly weren’t last night,” Fili said.  They were not done tormenting you it seemed.

“Yea, no need to get all bashful now,” Kili agreed.

Bilbo watched on in silence, his eyes going back and forth between the two Durin heirs.

“I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen him this happy,” Fili added.

 "Indeed,” Nori joined the conversation.  “There’s something about you lass that just brings the sun back to him.  He’s been in winter too long.”

 “Aye, hope you don’t expect to be runnin’ off after everything is said and done,” Bofur chimed in, waggling his brows at you suggestively.

 “I will stay for as long as I am wanted,” you replied.  It was hard to imagine leaving Thorin now.

 “Best settle in for the long run there,” Gloin said.  “He’s made his intentions quite clear he has.”

 “You’re one of us,” Bofur agreed.

 You blushed, curling in to yourself slightly.  It warmed your soul to have them welcome you so openly.  Well, they kind of had to now that Thorin had made his claim on you.  You found that you didn’t mind belonging with them.  It was like you had all along.

 

* * *

 

 The Master had set you up with supplies, a boat ride across the lake, and ponies to make the trek up to the lonely mountain.  The trip across the lake was filled with merriment.  All the dwarves were charged with excitement about the prospect of finally returning home.  You found that the happiness was contagious, not even the fear of what would befall you once you reached your destination could put a damper on it.

Ashore, a man from Lake Town was waiting with mounts for you all.  You didn't have time to dwell on your anxiety about riding again.  Thorin swept you up on the saddle behind him.  You did not hesitate to hold on to him this time, pulling yourself closer.  He released one of his hands from the reigns to briefly rest it over one of the arms you had wrapped around his waist.

You rewarded him by holding him tighter, resting your cheek against his back until he called the others to action.

 

* * *

 

Night fall came and you camped out at the ruins of Dale.  Tomorrow would begin your search for the secret door in to the mountain.  It would be too dangerous to use the front gate that Smaug came and went from.  You'd have to sneak in.

You were supposed to wait for Gandalf before entering the mountain, but it was decided that if he did not return in time that they could not afford to miss out on this chance.

"Gather round lass, you too Bilbo," Balin called the two of you closer to the fire.  "I'm in the mind of story tellin'."

You had just finished laying out your bed roll when you were summoned closer to the group.  You set yourself next to Thorin around the fire.  He smiled at you, snaking an arm around your waist and drawing you closer. In his free hand he held his pipe.  Everyone was on the edge of their seats listening to Balin tell the tale of Erebor's former glory.  It was late in to the night when he retold the tale of Thorin's heroic fight and dispatching the Pale Orc with naught much else other than an oaken branch used as a shield.  Though the orc had been revived by the necromancer, it was still a pretty epic story.

You felt your eyes grow heavy, your head leaning on Thorin's shoulder.  His arm stayed around you, his warmth protecting you from the evening chill.  You were trying so hard to stay awake.  You wanted to enjoy the good humor while it lasted.  You were hesitant to sleep, afraid of what you'd see. However, all things must go as they come.  You would miss this; the care freeness.  Things were about to get much worse...

Anxiety kept you awake, even long after you had boldly invited yourself to Thorin's bed roll.  He had accepted you without question, your back tucked securely against his chest.  His arm was tight about your waist; as if afraid you would slip away.  Perhaps he needed you as much as you needed him. 

"Thorin?" You whispered.

"Are you alright," he asked, his voice betraying his exhaustion.  Even after resting last night, the quest was taking its toll on him.

"Yes. I just... Whatever happens... I love you," you said softly.  You felt his lips curve into a smile against the skin of your neck.  Butterflies fluttered in your stomach.  

"Aye, lass, I know.  As I love you," he replied, pulling you impossibly closer.

It calmed you to hear him say that he returned your feelings.  It was like there had never been any distance between you to begin with.  You had always felt the connection there, but had been too distracted to really dwell on what it meant. 

After everything you experienced on this journey, you could hardly remember your old life in the modern world.  It seemed like it had been such a long time ago.  You didn’t have a way to really mark the passing of time here.

You allowed your eyes to fall closed, sleep evading you for a long time after that.  You could feel it when Thorin finally fell asleep.  His hold on you relaxed and his breathing evened out.  You focused on the gentle rising and falling of his chest at your back.  For now all was calm.  When you finally joined him in slumber, it would be the first night in many that you did not dream at all.

 

 

* * *

 

_"You dare try to steal from me?!?"_

 

* * *

 

It had been closing in on the half hour since Bilbo had first entered the mountain to seek out the Arken Stone.  Earlier that morning, you had tarried, waiting for Gandalf, but he never showed.  Bilbo had been the one to find the secret pathway and solve the riddle to open the door by the light of the moon.  After all he had done for the group, you couldn't understand Thorin's hesitance to go in and help him now.  Especially when it was so obvious the dragon was awake.

"His name's Bilbo," Balin said, disapproving of Thorin's attitude.

You were also put off by his sudden change of heart.  Could it be that he was already affected by the treasures still within Erebor?

"We can't just leave him, stay out here if you will, but I'm going to help him," you stated firmly.

The dwarves watched Thorin expectantly.  They did not believe he would allow you to venture in to danger on your own. 

The king under the mountain watched your retreating form for only a moment before letting out a sigh.

"Fine, we all go.  Wait!"  He called your name to make you stop.  You looked over your shoulder with a smile, and together with the others, you descended in to the dark halls of Erebor.

Any hope you had that Thorin would not succumb to Dragon sickness was dashed when the group finally found Bilbo and he confronted the hobbit at sword point.   He was demanding to know if Bilbo had been successful in finding the Arken Stone.

" _Thorin_ ," Bilbo said in disbelief taking a step back from him.  The situation didn’t have time to escalate.  The dragon had found you.

" _Ah..._ what have we here... _a bunch of rats come to rob me of my treasure_ ," Smaug looked down the corridor you were all standing in with one large eye.

"We've come to reclaim what you stole from us," Thorin exclaimed, brandishing his sword in the beasts face.

Smaug paid him little mind, his golden eye coming to rest solely on you.  His gaze narrowed and he backed away at the sight of you.

" _Darkness Slayer_ ," the dragon hissed, addressing you alone.

Everyone turned to look at you, but you were just as confused as they.

" _Morinehtar_ , you are far from home," Smaug growled out.  "It is no matter, even with her, you shall not over take me!"

You exchanged a glance with Thorin, only he knew that you had gone by that name before.  It’s not like you had time to explain or get in to a discussion.  Smaug was upon you, spewing fire down the corridor in attempts to melt you all down til there was nothing left.

Thorin grabbed your hand, pulling you along behind him as you and the rest of the company made a mad dash to turn the corner.  Flames licked at your heels, but you had all managed to get to safety.  The area you had just occupied was scorched and would still be white hot to the touch.

The battle that ensued with the dragon was more a game of hide and seek than an actual fight.    You were all just trying to avoid being burned alive.

An hour passed before you had really managed to enrage the beast.  He took to the skies meaning to take his fury out on the people of Lake Town.

Gold glittered down as the Smaug took spiraling to the air, swearing vengeance upon the town.  You and the others were left helpless in his wake.  There was nothing you could do to help them now… 

" _What have we done_?" Bilbo despaired.


	7. Restoring the Rightful Order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some gold sickness going around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing.
> 
> Everything is as it was for the last chapters. :

The following morning should have been one of relief.  You all had watched as Smaug scorched and devastated Lake Town.  You had also witnessed his demise by the arrow shot by none other than Bard, the true Lord and Master.  Things were tense.  Thorin did not bother to see the outcome of the battle between the men and the dragon.  He was already consumed in his search for the Arken Stone.

While you had managed to get some rest, you did not think he slept at all that night.  He emerged from the treasure chamber clad in a crown and riches beyond anything you had seen before.

It seemed that he was lost to all of you.  He would not listen to reason, and worst of all, he was suspicious of everyone… even you.  Instead of alienating you against him; he kept you to himself away from the others as though you were a part of his treasure horde.

Each night that passed he became more and more distant from you.  You couldn't stand it.

One evening you had been taking solace in the company of Bilbo and the other dwarves.  The group was disheartened.  The warm fire that crackled in the hearth did nothing to warm the chill that had settled in to your soul.

"Lass, we must try and find a way to break through to him," Balin said desperately.

"I don't know how," you said with a sigh.  You looked around at each of their somber faces.

"If he will not listen to you, then what can I do?"  You asked helplessly.  You had tried everything you could think of.  There was a frozen emptiness inside you where the love you had once felt so strongly between the two of you used to reside.

"What's this?  _Conspiring_ against me?"  Thorin entered the small chamber you all had been gathered in.  "Trying to steal something else that is dear to me," he said threateningly, coming to place a possessive hand on your shoulder.  “Why have you stopped looking?”

"Thorin, we're your friends," Bilbo pleaded.

"Of course you are," the sarcasm could be cut through with a knife.  Thorin then turned his attention to you.  "Come to me my treasure," he said to you, releasing your shoulder and reaching for your hand. 

You hesitated. 

It was a mistake.  His expression turned cold and he retracted his hand. 

"I see... they've turned you against me," Thorin mourned.

" _What_?  Thorin...  _No_ ," you said, rising to stand beside him and taking his hand.  "I love you."  There was a moment of clarity in his eyes, but it clouded over as quickly as it had come.

"Pretty lies coming from a pretty face," he insulted you.  You bit your lip, holding back tears.  You were just so frustrated.  You didn’t know how it was possible to love him just as much, if not more, as you did just yesterday when he was so obviously no longer himself.

" _Please_ , don't say that," you begged.  Thorin took no joy from your torment, but he did nothing to soothe you either.

"Have it your way my love, if you do not come to me tonight, I will know where your true allegiance lies."  With that, he turned and left you.

Any angry words you were about to speak died on your tongue as you turned to look helplessly at the others; all of whom had a sympathetic look.  It was no secret you loved Thorin just as much as they did. 

You bid them goodnight.  Moments later you were walking down the hall alone to join him in the bed chambers the two of you shared.  He went through the motions, and every once in a while uttered a sincere word of love.  He was still out of reach, no matter how much you tried to convey how much you cared for him.  He always left you, and tonight was no different.  God, you missed him so much, even when he had been right next to you. 

You were alone once more, and that is how you would spend another evening.

“Please give him back,” you whispered brokenly to whoever may have been listening.  You curled up on the bed, crying yourself to sleep again.  Thorin was blind to the effect his condition had on those who loved him. 

It seemed he had to come out of this on his own.   If this was what you were meant to save him from, then you surely had failed.  Depression was slowly wheedling its way in.  You were trying not to succumb, but the silver lining was fading.  You just couldn’t give up on him, and you would stay with him even if it meant you would spend the rest of your life trying to get him back.

 

* * *

 

The afternoon of the next day found you weeping quietly in your rooms.  You did not dream anymore, and you could only assume that meant you had missed your chance.  You would never get your memories back and Thorin would be lost to all of you forever.

Mere hours ago Bilbo had almost been killed by the king under the mountain as the halfling revealed that he had given the Arken Stone over to the enemy.  Gandalf had returned to stand with Bard and the elves; trying to negotiate to avoid war.  As happy as you were to see the wizard again, you could not bring yourself to abandon Thorin when you were beckoned to follow after Bilbo. 

Gandalf called you by name.

“Come, you will be safe with us.  We will figure a way out of this together,” the wizard tried to cajole you.

“You’ve already _stolen_ my birth right, you’ll not have her as well, _Gandalf_ ,” Thorin barked savagely.  “ _Unless_ … you willingly betray me,” his voice was frigid as he turned his gaze to you expectantly.

Your hands rested on the railing of the gate as you looked longingly to your two friends down below gathered with the armies.  Yes, you would be safe with them, but going with them, in your mind, meant giving up.  Even if Gandalf promised to find a way to help Thorin, you just couldn’t walk out on him.  You loved him too much.

“I’d never leave you,” you said softly as he came to stand beside you, gazing at him through your lashes.  You braced yourself as he lifted a hand to your cheek, caressing your soft skin with his thumb.  His expression was unreadable.

“Aye, I _cannot_ … lose something else precious to me,” Thorin admitted gently, tempered by your declaration of loyalty.  “ _I could not lose you_.”

You gave him a reassuring smile that he did not return.  He looked so far away, but he was right in front of you.  You felt your soul screaming out to his to come back.  You could not touch him even as his skin was still in contact with yours.  His hand fell from your face and he turned from you quickly when his cousin’s army appeared over the crest of the hill.   

More words were exchanged, but they were lost on you.

He was beyond reason.

Thorin would have war.

 

* * *

 

It had been hours since then.

You were lying on the bed, staring at the dusty old tapestry hanging on the wall across from you.  You felt you didn’t have any tears left to cry as you tried to wrack your brain and force yourself to remember the past.  It was no use.

You ignored the soft knock on your door.  You continued to ignore whoever it was even as they let themselves in and you felt the bed dip down behind you.  You were faced away from them, your arms wrapped tightly about yourself as if you were literally trying to hold yourself together.

"Is it too late... to speak easily to one another as we once did?"  You froze, becoming stiff as you recognized the sound of Thorin's voice.

You rolled over to face him, only to see that his back was to you.  Fresh tears spilled from your eyes at the sight of him, the finery he had boasted earlier was forgotten and replaced with his traveling clothes.  Your cheeks were raw, your eyes burned, and you didn’t think you had anything left within you.

"It's never too late," you whispered, your voice hoarse from weeping.

He turned to face you then, and you could practically see his heart breaking at the sight of your tear stained face.  Tentatively, he reached a hand forward to cup your cheek, encouraged when you did not flinch away from him.  His thumb gently wiped away the tears from your eyes, his own shining with regret.

"I have hurt you.   I was not myself, but it is no excuse," he grieved.

"No," you agreed, "but you are yourself once again?"  You were hopeful.

"Aye and I love you still, even if you cannot forgive me."  His thumb now gently stroked your cheek.  You reached your hand up to press his palm more securely to your skin.

"I forgive you already, and I love you still," you said softly.

You heard his breath hitch, and suddenly you were enveloped completely in his embrace.  He was trembling; you could feel it in his shoulders and his hands as they fisted in the folds of your dress.  He buried his face in your hair.  You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding him as tightly as you could, your chin coming to rest on his shoulder.

"We ride out in to battle within the hour.  I did not expect to be received with your love and forgiveness, but I could not leave you without telling you how sorry I was..."  He murmured.  You could feel his lips brush against your skin as you spoke.

" _Please don't go_ ," you let out a sob, tightening your hold around him.

You felt his chest rumble with a deep chuckle.

"All this treasure in Erebor, and I've the most precious jewel of all.  I've been such a fool," he lamented.  "You are sweeter than anything I could have dreamed."

Thorin's tender words did nothing but fuel your cries and heart ache.

" _I love you_ ," you wept in to his shoulder.

You heard him sigh softly, pulling you along with him as he propped himself up against some pillows.

“And I you, _my one_ ,” he whispered. 

One of his hands found its way in to your hair, smoothing it down, and soothing you with promises of returning to you.  Promises that you knew he could not possibly be expected to keep. 

You had not realized that he lulled you to sleep until you started dreaming.

_"Alatar."  A familiar voice sounded from behind you.  You recognized the name given to you by the Valar.  You also knew all too well whom the voice belonged to as you turned to face him, a smile breaking out on your face._

_"Pallando!  Where have you been?"  You asked, going to embrace your friend._

_"Where have I been?  I should be asking you that.  We don't have the time.  The moment has come.  I've convinced the Valar to forgive you for losing sight of our objective.  They understand better than any of us about love."_

_"Will they return my memories to my waking state?"  You asked worriedly. In your dreams you knew who you were and remembered the past events.  The Valar’s curse upon you made it impossible to recall anything upon waking._

_"Yes, they will give you the chance to save the one called Thorin Oaknsheild," Pallando answered._

_"Will I be banished again to the modern realm?"  You had so many questions._

_"No, they have absolved you for your trespasses and using your powers to reorder time.  However, once you have completed your task, you must rejoin me in our mission to help middle earth with the impending darkness of Sauron," he explained._

_"Oh, Palla, what if I fail again?" You grieved.  Even you were unsure if you were referring only to saving Thorin, or if you meant losing sight of your task to help middle earth defeat the evil threat.  Perhaps it was both._

_"You will not fail Morinehtar," he assured you._

_"Will I be forced to be separated from him forever?"  The mere thought of it terrified you._

_"You ask too much my friend.  I cannot say what the Valar will or will not allow once our task is completed.  I cannot imagine that it will be a quick endeavor to help rid middle earth of this evil," Pallando said, putting a hand on your shoulder._

_"Where will I find you?"  You asked._

_"I will come to you in time, you will be able to enjoy your victory with him," he answered._

_"Thank you, you are the truest friend I have ever had."  You embraced him again, grateful tears rolling down your cheeks.  "I've missed you so much."_

_"I would see you happy," he returned your hug, running a hand over your hair.  He pulled back and you were able to look in to the brown eyes of your trusted friend.  He was as you remembered him, blonde hair tied back in a braid.  His soft tan cheeks were in contrast to the lighter, harsh angles of Thorin's face.  "If you are to succeed you must wake now.  He will already be gone, and you must go to him.  Your power will be restored.  You must wake now.  Ala, wake now..."_

You sat up with a gasp.  It was as Pallando had told you it would be.  Thorin had already gone.  The diamond pendant that had been around your neck had shattered, and the chain had broken and fallen away as well.  You were restored to your former self, clad in robes of blue, a white oaken staff lying at your side.  It is not that you looked much different, but awareness was restored to you.  You felt your power returned.  You ran a hand through your hair, stopping when you felt the braid Thorin had so carefully weaved in to it, the bead still securely at the end.

" _Thorin_ ," you whispered his name, rising from the bed, more determined than ever before.

 

* * *

 

You made quick work of navigating yourself to the front gate of the mountain.  The elves, dwarves, and men had joined together to face the threat of the orcs together.  You could see the path of destruction that laid waste to many of the orcs, following it until you came across Gandalf amongst the fray.  You stepped in to help him, dispatching an orc with your staff.

" _Olorin_ ," you said, causing him to turn and look at you in surprise.

" _Ala_ , you have returned to us!"  He greeted you with a smile, clasping your shoulder tightly.

"I have, please, where is Thorin?"  You asked, hoping you were not too late.

"Over there, they were headed towards the river," Gandalf directed you.  "Hurry, _Ala_."

You nodded to him, not wasting any more time.  You navigated your way towards the frozen waters, having full faculty of your memory made things a lot easier.  You cursed as you reached the peak of a small cliff side just in time to see Thorin stabbed through the foot.

The pale orc burst through the ice and the fight ensued.  The moment was upon you.  You were at Thorin's side in a flash, half falling, and half running as you slammed in to the pale orc.  It may not have been the graceful rescue you were hoping for, but it prevented the exchange of the fatal injuries between the two.

Thorin yelled your name in fear and surprise as you took over the fight with Azog.

" _You should learn to stay dead_ ," you hissed, subduing and punishing him with your power.

" _Morinehtar_ ," the Orc ground out in agony, trying to rise against your strength, but he could not.

Thorin hobbled over to you as quickly as he could with his injured foot, sword drawn.  In one swift motion, he beheaded the pale orc, killing him once and for all.

You were both panting, sweat beading and rolling down your face as you turned to face Thorin.  He was bloodied and covered in dirt and grime from battle.  His piercing blue eyes took you in warily.

Thorin whispered your name reverently.

"You look different," he was unsure.

"Thorin, I'm still me," you said quietly, hurrying over to his side as he fell to the ice, no longer able to stand on his injured foot.  "You're hurt," your voice betrayed your concern.

"It's like seeing a ghost," he said, allowing you to rest his head on your lap as you ran your fingers through his hair.  "I remember everything now, how you came to the blue mountain and stayed with us.  I remember just as it was yesterday how I fell in love with you for the first time and you convinced me to go on this insane quest," he finished.

You laughed, happy, relieved tears falling from the corners of your eyes.

"Yes... I remember too," you said softly.

It would seem that everyone’s memories were restored.  You easily recalled all the time you had spent together.  You remembered that terrible day when Thorin had been slain by the pale orc before you had lost your mind and tampered with fate.  You had taken a great risk to change things, but to have him here with you now was worth every moment of anguish. 

"They've forgiven me," you explained.  Pallando, your dear friend had come to your rescue.  You would never be able to repay him.  “In return, I must continue on and take up my task once again…”

"Will you leave me now?"  Thorin asked with fear, resting and breathing deeply through the pain.  You could not move him by yourself and knew that soon enough the others would find you.  Your fingers combed through his hair as you cradled him closer to you.  You shifted one arm to support him behind his shoulders, your other hand leaving his hair to drape over his waist.  He laced your fingers together with his, bringing your joined hands to lie on his chest.  His head rested heavily upon your breast, his other arm wrapped like a vice around your waist.

"I could not bear to be separated from you," his voice trembled and was pained, and not just from the wounds he sustained in battle.  “I could not live with my heart roaming so far away from me,” he whispered huskily as he crushed you closer to him.  Your cheek came to rest on his forehead.  You wouldn’t have been able to get away from him even if you had wanted to.

"I will be with you,” you soothed him.  “Please, just focus on getting well.”   With your gentle reassurance, the two of you fell silent.  The only sounds were of his labored breathing as he dealt with the pain of his injuries.  He clung to you as though you were his life line and that he would wither and perish without you.  You kept him close, humming gently to try and keep him at ease.

That would be how the rest of company found you.  Relieved smiles were on their faces as they called your name and hurried over to you.  They remembered you easily now, commenting how good it was to have you back.  It was like having a reunion after years and years apart.  Despite wounds and being roughed up, everyone had come through the battle alive.  Everything was back to the way it should have been.  Now you had more time with the one you loved.  Together, you all made the trek back to the lonely mountain to see to the injured.


	8. The King and His Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The King has returned, and all is beginning to fall in to place.

The evening was quiet.  The wounded had been cared for and everyone had been fed.  A truce had been reached between the Dwarves, Humans, and Elves.  Bard had shared the food and supply from Lake Town that Thranduil had given as a show of good faith for the new found alliance.  The orcs had been dispatched, and for now there was peace.  You knew it would not last long.  The impending threat of Sauron was very real and coming sooner than any of you would have liked.

You knew that before you were ready, Pallando would come for you, and you would be forced to leave Thorin.  You could only hope and wish that the Valar would take pity on you.  You wished that Orome would allow you to remain once your task was completed.

You both lay in bed that night, side by side staring at the ceiling.  You were careful not to jostle his injured leg as you propped yourself up on an elbow to face him.  You smiled slightly, tracing his jaw with your fingertips, remembering how you had helped him rid himself of the blood and grime of battle just a few hours before.  There was a long scratch going over his right eye, and you imagined that it would leave a scar there once healed.

"You should be resting," he rebuked you.

"I know, but I can't.  I just can't take my eyes off of you," you replied softly.  It warmed your heart to see the way his lips curled in to a smile.

"I can promise you, I will still be here in the morning," he said, opening his eyes to gaze up at you.  You could hardly bear the love you saw there, sending butterflies whirling in your stomach.

"Give me your word," you whispered deeply, leaning in to kiss him, and he complied.

"On my honor, my lady, I shall not leave you," he vowed.  You settled down next to him contented by his promise.

"Does it hurt very badly?"  You worried.

"Aye, but I shall live," he answered.  "I have the sweetest of motivation after all," he added on with a deep resounding chuckle.

“It’s good to see you still have a sense of humor,” you mumbled.

“I didn’t hear you complaining at my impression of Thranduil earlier,” he replied.

You burst out laughing at the memory of not even an hour ago.  It was after negotiations had ended and the two of you were making your way down the hall to Thorin’s rooms.  Well… technically it was both of yours now.  Thorin was leaning on your shoulder for support as he was describing the activities of the truce meeting.  He explained the contract that had been made, and in a most ridiculous fashion quoted Thranduil’s speech before the elf king would agree to the terms.  You had been howling about it for a good ten minutes before you could contain yourself enough to continue to support Thorin and get to the door before you both toppled over.

“Ah, yes… that was excellent,” you said, wiping tears of laughter from eyes.

“I love to see you smile,” Thorin began quietly, taking your hand in his as you curled closer to his side.  You felt warm and happy, and rewarded his kind words with a loving grin.

“Well, I hope you do not tire of it, I have every reason to be happy now that we are safely together,” you whispered, starting to nod off.

“Never, I could never tired of such a beautiful sight,” he answered back before the two of you fell asleep hand in hand, side by side.

* * *

 

After a week of resting, it was time for Bilbo to return to the shire.  Gandalf would be going with him, and you were torn in two at the thought of them leaving.  Inevitably, you felt your paths would cross again, but you could not say how much time would pass between.

The morning of their departure found you depressed and unsteady on your feet.

“Safe travels _Olorin_ ,” you said fondly, putting aside your sorrow and embracing the old man who had to bend down slightly to accommodate you.

“We will see each other soon _Ala_ ,” Gandalf had replied, placing a gentle hand on your hair.  “We’ve much to do yet.”

“I know,” you said, smiling wistfully.  You turned to Bilbo as he said your name, rocking back and forth on his heels.  Your lip trembled.  You were unwilling to say goodbye.  Good friends were hard to come by, and the halfling had been there for you through it all.  You knelt down to wrap him in a hug.  “I am most sad to see you go,” you whispered.

“I’m sad to be leaving you too,” Bilbo replied, returning the embrace tightly.  After a moment you released him with a smile.

“I will see you again,” you said, confident.

“You are all welcome any time.  Tea is at four.  There will always be room at my table for you.  Don’t bother knocking, just come in,” Bilbo said. 

Thorin came to stand beside you, taking your shaky hand in his steady one.

Together, he and the rest of the dwarves bid Bilbo and Gandalf farewell.  You waved them off until they were long gone from your sight, tears trailing down your cheeks.  You would not see the hobbit again for almost another sixty-one years.

* * *

 

That night you took comfort in Thorin's arms.  After everything you had been through, he was here beside you.  You had achieved your dream.

"What are you thinking?"  He asked you.  You were spooned in to him; your back was held flush against his chest.  His arm was tight about your waist, his chin resting on your shoulder.

"Of how lucky I am to be next to you," you replied quietly.

"I could say the same," he said, trailing kisses down your neck.  You giggled as his beard tickled the sensitive skin behind your ear.

"Not so fast my love, I don't know that you're healthy enough for such activity," you teased him.

"Even on the brink of death, I can assure you I would be able to accommodate you," he growled in to your ear, rolling your bodies so that he was poised above you. 

You spent the next several minutes proving your love to one another.

It was unlikely that you would be laid up with child if the Valar did not wish it.  You could not see how it would fall in to their plans.  However, you dearly hoped to one day provide Thorin an heir.  That was another subject that had yet to be brought up between you.  You both refused to talk about what lie ahead, and therefore made no fuss about the title your relationship should have.

* * *

A year passed and the dwarves from the Blue Mountain had been making the trip home to Erebor.  The lonely mountain was slowly being restored to its former glory.

Thorin's injured foot had healed, and the battle was becoming a story of legend.

All the affairs were falling in to place.  Thorin easily fit in to his role as king, managing Erebor and maintaining trade relations.  Soon it would be just like he had promised, with gold flowing down the river to Lake Town once more.

There was still the question of what would happen with the two of you.  Nothing had changed in the way you interacted with one another in your relationship, if anything you became closer than ever.  You both had been avoiding the topic, so it surprised you on the night that Thorin brought it up.

You were lying naked next to one another, bodies hot from your activity moments ago.  There was a fire crackling merrily in the hearth.  Your head rested on his shoulder, his hand gently brushing your hair back from your dampened forehead.

"What's to become of us?"  Thorin asked.  His voice was dark and uncertain.

"You know that I do not know," you replied quietly, your fingers drawing spirals over his chest.  "I must go when _Pallando_ comes."

"Could he not have told you when that might be?"  He was vexed.

"Perhaps he did not know.  They won't speak to me.  I might be forgiven, but they will not so quickly let me forget," you sighed.  You were referring to the Valar.  They used to speak to you in your dreams, long before you lost your mind and reordered time to save Thorin.  It was eerily quiet without them.

"I cannot be without you," he asserted, tightening his hold around you.  You smiled sadly, curling in to his embrace and wrapping your arm around his waist.

"I have no desire to be without you either, but I cannot let them down again.  They will not forgive me a second time," you replied.

"Will you at least promise me this?"  Thorin asked.

"Anything, if I am able," you replied.  You looked up in to his eyes, your hand coming to rest against his cheek.  There was nothing you wouldn't do for him.

"Come back to me," he whispered, drawing you closer and burying his face in your shoulder.

"I promise that I’ll try," you answered, your arms coming around his broad shoulders and holding him tightly.  "I'll do whatever it takes..."

His arms trembled around your waist, crushing you tightly to his chest.

"Be my Queen..." He pleaded, freeing a hand to cradle your head.

"...I...."

"Say yes," he littered your face with sweet kisses.

" _I already am_ ," you wept, not because you did not want to be, but because you knew the time would eventually come for you to leave him.

"Marry me then... for even if you refuse I shall never love another in your absence,” he affirmed.

Your breath hitched as you tried to stop your tears.  This was everything that you had ever wanted.  To be with him and belong only to him, but it might not be meant to be.

"What if I cannot return," your voice cracked and betrayed the tears you were trying to hide in his hair.

"My heart will never belong to anyone but you," he stated simply.

You cried as the sentiment floored you, leaving you hanging on to him for dear life.  How was it possible to love another person this much?

"What if I cannot provide you an heir?"  You attempted, not wanting to think of him whiling the days away waiting for you to come back.

"Fili and Kili are my heirs, if we are blessed with a child then so be it," he was so calm and collected.  You moved back to gaze in to his eyes.  There was no fear there, no doubt.  He knew what he wanted, and it was you.  It would always be you.  You could choose to accept it and wish for the best; or you could try to fight it and waste whatever precious moments you had left before you would be called upon.

" _I love you_... I love you more than anything," you tried to speak through your weeping, cupping his cheek in your hand and kissing him. This was the most bittersweet moment of your life.

"Be my wife," he implored.  He took the hand you had against his cheek and brought it to rest over his heart.  He firmly covered your smaller hand with his larger one, pressing your palm securely to his chest.  "You hold my heart in your hands, you always have and you always will.  It will be with you no matter where you are or how long we're a part."

You drew closer to him, your forehead resting in the juncture of his shoulder and neck.  You were frozen in the moment, feeling every beat of his heart as it pounded beneath your fingertips.

"Yes," you whispered, your lips brushing against his skin.  You kissed along his neck and jaw line until your lips met.

He rolled on to his back, lifting you by your hips to straddle him.

You made love again and again through the night.  He declared his love for you over and over, calling you his queen, his wife, the only woman he would ever love.  It was almost too much for you to bear.  All thoughts of your imminent departure were forgotten.

* * *

 

Another six months had passed since that night.  You were waiting anxiously outside the great hall where the marriage ceremony would take place.  Thorin did not see the point in a long engagement, and neither did you.  You were dressed in a fine gown of royal purple.  Your hair had been curled and twisted, half pinned up.  The rest of your hair and the braid and bead Thorin had fixed in to it as the first symbol of your relationship were left hanging down over your shoulder.

Balin stood waiting with you outside the doors.

“Ya look beautiful,” he commented with a smile, attempting to make you feel better.

“Thank you,” you said quietly.

“Nothin’s going ta change, you’ll just officially have a fancy title.  I can assure you that we’ve all considered you our Queen for long before this moment,” he said.

“That means a lot to me,” you said, taking his hand in yours and giving it a grateful squeeze. 

The moment was broken as music began to play inside and you became hilariously rigid, your fingers a vice grip on the older dwarf’s hand.

“Aye, lass, take it easy!”  Balin joked, mock shaking his fingers loose after you released them.  “Thorin’s in there waiting fer ya, it’ll be alright.  Are ya ready?”

You stared wide eyed at the closed doors before taking a deep, calming breath.  You straightened your gown, and your posture.

“Yes, I am ready,” you said, taking the arm that Balin offered you.  With his free arm he pushed the doors open.  Time seemed to go in slow motion as they swung opened with ease to reveal you and Balin at the start of the long aisle.  “ _Orome help me_ …” you whispered under your breath, before plastering a smile on your face.

The hall was packed on both sides.  There were some familiar faces, but many of them were unrecognizable.  Thranduil was there as well as Bard and his family.  You figured it was only right that they would attend.  You smiled at seeing Gandalf present in the crowd as well. 

You were so busy taking in your surroundings that you were halfway down the aisle before your eyes met Thorin’s.  You smiled at him, amused at the star struck look on his face.  He and the rest of those congregated only had eyes for you in this moment. 

With your focus on Thorin it was a lot easier to forget about the other eyes starting at you, and before you knew it, you were standing before him.

“Who gives this lady?”  The officiant asked.  You glanced at him momentarily, but you did not recognize him.

“I do,” Balin answered easily.  It was then that Thorin held his hand out to you.  Balin took your hand from the crook of his elbow and placed a kiss upon you knuckles before placing your smaller hand in Thorin’s larger one. 

You smiled at the older dwarf as he then backed away to take his place standing at Thorin’s side.

Thorin grasped your hand firmly and pulled you to stand in front of him.

The ceremony had begun, and you spent the majority of it reciting well practiced vows, staring at Thorin so that you would not have to look at anyone else. 

It was not an overly long process, the feasting after would take up the majority of the celebration.

It was now nearing the end of the ceremony.  There were only a few steps left. 

You heard your name be spoken.

“You may exchange your gift and make your vows.” 

With trembling fingers you reached forward to Thorin’s long mane of dark hair, and began braiding a few strands together. 

“With this symbol, I promise to be at your side always, to love you and guide you in times of need, to care for you in times of sorrow as well as joy, and to know only your hands in love.  I promise this, to be your Queen, to endure and shield you, until the end of time,” you said, trying not to rush through it.

Your cheeks were flushed with nervousness as you spoke and focused on your task, securing the braid with a bead you had procured from a hidden pocket in your dress.

“Thorin, you may exchange your gift and make your vows.”

You smiled encouragingly at him, a blush staining your cheeks at the intensity in his eyes as his fingers brushed your neck to gather some free strands of hair.  He began braiding and repeated the same vows back to you.

“With this symbol, I promise to be at your side always, to love you and guide you in times of need, to care for you in times of sorrow as well as joy, and to know only your hands in love.  I promise this, to be your King, to protect and defend you, until the end of time,” Thorin finished with fastening a bead to the end of the braid he had woven.

“The two have pledged to each other, and will now become one.”

A small dagger was handed to you and you made a small cut in your palm before Thorin took the instrument from you and did the same.

Your hands were then brought together and tied with a white cloth.

“What Mahal has made as one, let none seek to divide.  You may now give proof of your love so that all in attendance may bear witness and stand together with you in your union.”

Your hands were still joined.  You looked up at Thorin through your lashes, anxiously waiting.  He closed the distance between you, using his free hand to cradle your cheek as he leaned in to press his lips gently against your own.  You melted a little at his touch, trying to keep in mind that you were in front of a room full of people.  Letting your eyes fall closed, you kissed him back.  Your face was flushed when you finally pulled away from one another, and you had never seen him look so happy.

“Long live the King and his Queen under the mountain.”

The crowd erupted in to cheers.  Your hands were unbound before the two of you made your way down the aisle way.  The original company filed out after you, following the two of you to where the feast would be held.  There was food and drink, and a great deal of merry making. 

You were completely drunk and exhausted by the time you and Thorin left the party that was still raging long in to the night despite your absence.

A strong arm around your waist kept you from toppling over.  How you made it to your rooms was beyond you.  Thorin had his hands full despite being drunk himself.

“Get this off of me,” you slurred, unable to reach the strings of the corseted back of your dress.  “ _Thorin_ ,” you whined when he was taking too long with his own clothing to help you.

“Patience my love, I’m coming,” he replied, his voice tired but happy as he finally made his way over to you to undo the ties that kept you trapped in all your finery.  His hands were warm on your shoulders as he slid the sleeves from your arms, his lips placing a kiss at the juncture of your shoulder and neck.  You let out a pleased sigh as you leaned back in to his bare chest.  He was clad in only his trousers as he helped you be free of the beautiful gown.  You were both exhausted, but not too exhausted to consummate your vows.

The rest of your clothing was long forgotten.  You straddled his waist, kissing him and pushing on his shoulders with your finger tips to get him to lie back against the bed.  His hands grasped your hips as you grinded against him, teasing him with what was yet to come.

“It is unkind to torture me,” Thorin whispered gruffly in to your ear, his breath tickling your skin.

“I promise it will be worth it,” you replied easily, trailing kisses down his neck and chest.  He was already aroused when you teased and licked the tip of his erection, enjoying the sounds he made.  He let you go for a while, fingers tangled in your hair as he pulled you up and away to capture your mouth with his own.  He then rolled so that you were under him, his hands massaging your breasts and teasing your nipples.  You couldn’t help it as your back arched, your hips rolling in to his.  “Make me your queen,” you moaned.

“You already are,” Thorin repeated, strained as it took all of his self-control to ease slowly in to you.  You gasped as his length filled you, grinding against him until you fell in to a steady rhythm. 

It did not take long.  You felt his release and followed him soon after, riding your pleasure out on him until you both were collapsed side by side.  That is how you would both fall asleep, still joined and wrapped in each other’s arms. 

* * *

 

It would be almost fifty-eight years since your wedding that Pallando would finally come for you. 

You dreamed of his arrival the night before, and prepared your husband as best you could. 

"How long will you be gone?"  Thorin asked, holding you in a snug embrace.  He was secretly hoping that it would not come to pass; that you would be allowed to remain with him until the end of your days.

"I only know that when it is finished, I will be back to you.  I will find a way," you promised, your fingers tangled in his hair.  You exchanged tender kisses; neither one of you had aged very much in the passing years.  You would never look any older.  Thorin had a few more grays seeping in to his hair, his laugh lines a little more prominent.  Age did nothing to dull your affection for him.  Your love was as solid as it ever had been.

" _Ghivashel_ ," he whispered in your ear, gently stroking your hair.  You could hear the despair in his voice, and you had to do something to try and reassure him.

"I will return to you.  I need you to be strong while I am away.”   You felt as well as heard him heave a sigh.

"I know you are right," he relented.

"My heart will remain here with you," you told him softly, kissing his temple.

"Aye, as mine will travel with you across middle earth and beyond," he agreed.  It tore you apart to have to leave, but the Valar had trusted you.  They had allowed you this joy.  You could not fail them now.  There would be no life left to return to if you and the others did not succeed.  "I love you, my sweet dream, my treasure..."

"As I love you,” you replied, hoping to convey all the love you had for him in the kiss that followed.

You spent the rest of the morning that way, completely wrapped up in each other, making love as the urge struck you. 

You were all quietly weeping as you were awaiting Pallando at the front gate.  The original company crowded around to see their Queen off. 

Your dream did not disappoint you; your old friend appeared just as you had seen it.  With final embraces and kisses, you took one last look at your husband and adopted family before following your longtime friend away from your home. 

"Alright _Ala_?"  Pallando asked you.

"I will be," you assured him.  "Once I am home again with them."

"Indeed,”  Pallando gave you a sympathetic look.  He had put off coming for you as long as he could.  “Let us be quick then.  We are to meet Gandalf at the Shire.  An old friend awaits you.  It is his 111th birthday," he explained.

"Oh Bilbo," you said with fondness.  You had missed him dearly in the years you had been apart.  You never forgot him or the friendship you shared.  "It will be good to see him again…"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there will be one last chapter after this. Thank you to every one for their kind words. I've had these chapters typed up for awhile, but wasn't quite happy with them. So... I've rewritten them a few times. Everything is as it was for the previous chapters. Thanks for reading!


	9. The Return of the Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to let this one go. Thank you for everyone who has commented or left kudos. I hope you've enjoyed the story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. :)

"Gandalf!  You're here!"  Bilbo exclaimed as the old wizard had arrived at his front door, Frodo in toe.

"Indeed, I would not miss your birthday," Gandalf replied.  “… _and_ … I've brought another guest."

"Another?  Ah well, the more the merrier!"  The old hobbit said.  "Where are they?"

"They will be arriving shortly," Gandalf explained.  "Frodo, be a good lad and go in to town to fetch me some provisions." 

"Of course," Frodo agreed, taking note of what Gandalf would need before heading out.

You and Pallando had just arrived outside the fence of Bilbo’s home, Frodo passing you as he went, not knowing you to see you.

You easily remembered the way to the hobbit hole, the nostalgia of being here again was almost too much.  You walked up to his door and knocked, waiting anxiously.  You could hear muttering inside about no visitors unless it was official party business, and then you could hear Gandalf tell him that he might really want to answer this one.

"Be there in a moment," Bilbo finally called. 

You were wringing your hands together and could see the surprise on his face as he opened the door.  He mouthed your name slowly before saying it aloud.

Happy tears rolled down both of your cheeks as you embraced.

"By the stars, it is you!  You're just the same as you always were, just as beautiful.  Come, tell me everything, how is Thorin?"  The halfing asked. 

You spent many hours catching up, you had even stayed for the beginning of the party, but you had instructions on where to head next and could not stay.  You had gone an embraced your old friend one more time; giving Bilbo and his nephew one last wave as you started down the path.  You smiled at them, hiding the sadness in your eyes that your reunion could not have lasted longer.

"Friends of yours from your adventures…?"  Frodo asked his uncle.  The younger of the two remembered seeing you on his way out of Bilbo’s home when he had went on his errands for Gandalf.

The two hobbits had watched as you waved them farewell before disappearing over the hillside.

"That, my dear boy, was the Queen under the Mountain, the wife of Thorin Oakenshield.  We were very good friends," Bilbo said warmly.  He was misty eyed as he watched you go, but quickly shook himself out of his sorrow.  "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've a speech to give!"

 

* * *

 

It was soon after that the events began to unfold, and the quest to destroy the ring of power began.  Frodo reminded you a lot of Bilbo in his younger years, he was a sweet halfling, and you desperately hoped that he would come out of this journey alive. 

It took years to complete even the most basic of steps.  Battles were won and lost.  The war between middle earth and Sauron was raging.

It was during the earlier days that you learned that Sarumon had defected.  He had lost sight of his objective much in the same way you had, although redemption did not seem possible for him any longer.  You felt bad for him.  He had been the wisest of you all, and yet even he had become corrupted by the ring’s power.

Despite all the time that passed that you were away from Erebor, you never once forgot who waited for you there.  Having Pallando with you on this journey helped eased your loneliness, perhaps the only thing making following through with this task bearable.  However, he could not ease the loneliness you felt for Thorin or the dwarves that had become your family.  Your soul ached to be reunited with them again.  You reminded yourself again and again that you were doing this to keep them safe.  It would be worth it in the end for you and your loved ones to be able to live in peace once more.

* * *

 

_Twenty years had passed since you first left Erebor to complete your task..._

 

* * *

 

You had been present for the coronation of the new king, and you had traveled back to the Shire with the hobbits and Gandalf.  You bid your friends a fond farewell, but you were anxious to return home to Erebor.  Part of you feared the worst that the dark forces you were working so hard to destroy would still have reached them.  You tried to keep calm.  The journey was long, but Pallando traveled with you.  He would leave you to return to the Valar once you had safely arrived.   There was nothing left for your friend here except for you, and you had found your own happiness to return to.

It was a cool spring evening when you finally made your way through the familiar valley.  You had passed by Lake Town and were now passing the city of Dale.  It had come a long way in the past twenty or so years.  The buildings were repaired, the valley becoming slowly green again. 

Dusk had fallen by the time you made your way to the front gate.

You hesitated.  Your fears were unreasonable, but you had been gone for so long.  What if they thought you dead and moved on?  Your loved ones were the only things that had kept you going through everything; you wouldn't be able to bear any thought of them rejecting you.  Your friend was so tuned in to you that you did not need to speak for him to know what was bothering you.

" _Alatar_ , they have not moved on.  The dwarf loves you still, I'm certain.  I know your family will be thrilled that you have returned," he consoled you. 

You turned to look at him, biting back tears as you went to embrace him.  You knew you would not see him again, at least not in this life.

" _Palla_ ," you cried quietly.  "I don't know how I can thank you.  This would not have been possible without you.  I... You are my dearest friend and I love you.  I'm going to miss you so much,” your words withered away as you attempted to control your tears.  “I can't let you go without making you understand how much I appreciate what you've done for me, how much it means to me..."

Pallando smiled softly, returning your embrace tightly.  He freed a hand to stroke your hair.

"I already know, _Ala_.  I told you before that I would see you happy.  Our souls will meet again one day, but do not be saddened until then.  Enjoy the life you have left here," he said.

You pulled back, sniffling, and putting on your best smile.

"Please tell _Orome_ -" you began only to be cut off.

"He knows it as well.... Now go, live in peace my friend," he placed a kiss on your forehead.

"Farewell," you said, grasping his hand one last time, committing his image to memory, before he turned and left you.

You couldn't stop the tears as they rolled down your cheeks.  You wished desperately that you could have had all of your dearest friends close to you until the end of time.

The sun was almost completely gone behind the mountain by the time you had composed yourself enough to approach the front gate.

"Halt!  Who goes?"  A guard called from the top of the entry.

"The Queen under the Mountain has returned," you said, pulling your hood back from your face.

You waited patiently as the guard called your name in excitement, calling orders for the gate to be opened, and running down to greet you.

"Gloin?"  You were taken by surprise as the dwarf was upon you in a second, forgetting propriety as he wrapped you up in a hug.  "Oh my god, it is so good to see you... it is so good to be home," fresh tears spilled from your eyes.

The other dwarves on guard you did not recognize when Gloin finally released you.

"Aye, but come quickly.  Your family might behead me if I keep you from them too long," he was half joking, but also sort of half serious as he lead you in to the familiar halls. 

You were led to the great hall where many a feast had taken place.  As the large doors opened, you stepped in and everyone inside froze.  You quickly searched the sea of dwarves for familiar faces.

"Aunt?"  It was Kili who was closest to you, breaking from the crowd to run over to you.

"Yes, it's me," you cried, meeting him halfway and letting him take you in to his arms.

"Aunt!"  Fili was next, running over to you and wrapping you and his younger brother in crushing hug.

"I've missed you all so much more than words could ever say...  You must tell me everything that has happened since I've been away," you wrapped your arms around both of them and held on for as long as you could.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to see Balin standing there.

“My Queen, it’s good ta’ see you,” the older dwarf said.  He had aged in the time you were gone, but those soft brown eyes, full of wisdom and understanding remained unchanged.

“It’s so good to be home,” you said, drawing him in next for an embrace.

One by one the rest of the original twelve dwarves of the company came to pile on to the group hug.  Slowly, all the other familiar faces came to greet you, all except one.  The hall was filled with laughter and cheers.  The Queen had returned. 

You finally had a moment of peace when your nephews gathered around you and escorted you out of the hall.

"Where is your Uncle?"  You asked, fear settling in the pit of your stomach.  You did not like the way they exchanged concerned glances.

"He is not well," Fili explained. 

"What’s happened to him?"  Your voice was desperate.

"They don't know," Kili said.  "He had fallen ill at the end of winter, and has not been able to fully recover.  He will have good days and bad days, but it never completely leaves him.  He just doesn't seem to have any fight left to him."

"Maybe now that you're home he will be able to bounce back," Fili said.  They both seemed hopeful that your return would give Thorin enough strength to get well again.

"Take me to him," you said

You knew the way to the king’s chambers, it was ingrained in your memory, but you were thankful for their support.  They had grown up to be strong dwarves.  You knew Thorin must be so proud of them.

Fili and Kili remained outside the door once you arrived, allowing you to enter by yourself.

The room was unchanged.  Everything hit you with such familiarity.  You could see the kings form lying on the bed just ahead of you.  You were alone with Thorin, after all these years.  Your hands trembled as you made your way over to the bed.  Your legs were unsteady.  You were afraid of what you'd find.  You didn't realize you were holding your breath until you released it.

Thorin lay sleeping on the bed.  He wore no shirt, the blankets pulled up above his waist.  You quietly sat down on the edge of the bed, simply watching him.  He had not aged very much in the twenty years that you had spent apart.  He looked very much as he did on the day you left with Pallando.  He seemed to be physically okay, but his expression was grim.  Perhaps he had fallen in to a depression.  Even dwarves were not immune to psychological stresses.  Despite all of it, he had never looked more handsome to you.  Your heart swelled with love at the sight of him.

You couldn't keep your hands to yourself.  You reached shaky fingers forward to brush the hair back from his forehead.  You stopped when he stirred and you heard him whisper your name in his sleep.  Your breath hitched and you withheld a sob.  After all this time; it was still you he was calling for.

"Yes, love.  I'm home," you said quietly, reaching down to grasp his hand. 

You were stiff as a board as he stirred and his eyes opened part way to look up at you.  The corner of his mouth turned up in a grin.  Those beautiful blue eyes, oh how you had missed them.

" _Amrâlimê_?  I must have died," he said tiredly.  "After all these years, my heart has returned to me."

"Thorin," you said quietly, leaning forward to place a kiss upon his brow.  "It is no dream.  I am home."  You brought his hand to your cheek, pressing a kiss to his palm.  You were crying again by now, smiling at him through your tears.

He murmured your name in wonder.

"Always beyond the reach of time's unforgiving hold... You look just as beautiful as the day I met you," Thorin whispered.

"I'm here," you reassured him.

"You are home?"  Clarity dawned upon him as he struggled to sit up.

"Please rest," you implored, but it was no use.  He already had his arms around you, drawing you close to him.  You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, fingers tangling in his hair.  "I love you..."

"Can it be?"  He murmured against your cheek.

"Yes, husband, I'm finally home," you wept.  He crushed you to his chest, and you felt him tremble, his tears wetting your hair.  " _I've missed you so much_ ," you sobbed.  All your composure was gone then as cries wracked your body.  You felt that his strong embrace was the only thing keeping you from falling to pieces.

"Hush, _Ghivashel_ , none of that matters now, you are where you belong," he whispered soothingly in to your ear.  You clung to him desperately.

He allowed himself to lean back against the pillows, propped up against the head board, pulling you along with him.

"I had dreamed so many times that you had come home to me, only to waken with you still gone," Thorin said, his hand stroking your hair until your tears dried.  "I knew no sweeter Hell than to be with you in my dreams and know that you would be gone when I awoke."

" _Thorin_ ," you despaired.  "I'm _so_ sorry."

You felt his chest rumble with a chuckle.

"You saved middle earth.  A goddess sent from above, and you are apologizing to me," he was amused.  "My sweet dream, you were securing the future for our people.  I understand."

"That does not make it any easier," you lamented.  "I never thought I would survive for so long without you, with my soul split and existing in two places at once."

You had calmed down now, save for a few hiccups.  Your sorrow and joy at being reunited had left you raw.

"I know, my only one.  I felt it as well.  I fear that I love you too much," he said wearily.

"I love you just as much, but you must rest now," you were worried as you pulled away just enough to gaze in to his face.  "I will not be without you ever again," you stated. 

"As you wish, my Queen," Thorin replied, cupping your cheek and kissing you softly.  He allowed you to rearrange him so that he was lying down once again.  You stripped down to your chemise, crawling back in to bed with him and drawing him close to you.

His head lay upon your breast, your arms wrapped tightly around him.  His arm draped over your waist, keeping you close, and you hummed a song to him until you felt his grip slacken and you knew he was asleep once again.

* * *

 

When you awoke, you started as you found yourself alone.  Even though you recognized where you were; fear gripped its spindly fingers in to your gut and you thought for a moment it had all been a dream.

" _Thorin_?"  You could not keep the panic from your voice as you called to him.

"In here," he called back to you from the wash room. 

You were up in a flash and entered the adjacent room; smiling as you saw him resting in the large brass tub.  Steam from the warm water wafted lazily above you.

"Are you well?"  You asked him, removing your last bit of clothing and joining him in the water.  You sat in front of him, your back to his chest.  He chuckled; grabbing you around your waist and pulling you flush against him.  There was little left to the imagination as he kneaded your breasts.  "I'll take that as a yes," you sighed, your head lying on his shoulder.  He continued his ministrations, kissing and nipping at the skin of your neck, his beard tickling you as he went.

"It seems I am restored," he whispered in your ear.  He paused in his teasing of you.  One strong arm wrapped under your breasts while his free hand rested over your heart, it beat rapidly against his palm, telling of your arousal. 

You let out a gasp, arching your back as his hand roamed down your chest and abdomen, under the water to the slick folds of your sex.

"Oh my god, _Thorin_ ," you moaned.  It had been so long since you had felt his touch.  Having him here now, feeling his erection behind you was enough to drive you crazy.

"I'm yours to command, my Queen," his breath ghosted over the shell of your ear as he spoke. 

You turned in his arms, your hands sliding up his chest and behind his neck.  You devoured his lips, your wet skin easily allowing you to glide up against him.

"Then have me now, I'm yours," your voice was sultry as you spoke in to the kiss, sucking his lower lip in to your mouth to bite down on it.

He grunted, putting his hands about your hips as he lifted you and brought you down upon his throbbing arousal.

What started in the bath as a single round soon turned in to several hours of reacquainting your bodies.  No one disturbed you, the others trusting that you would fetch them if either of you were in need of assistance.

It was well in to the afternoon that the two of you lay tangled in the sheets.  You lay on your sides facing each other, his hand resting on your cheek, his thumb caressing the soft skin of your face.  You were positively glowing, a love drunk smile plastered to your lips.  You could have died right then and there a happy woman.

" _Amrâlimê_..." He whispered to you, just taking in the sight of you.  You stared back at him, soaking in every detail.  Your love making had devastated your hair, and his, you were in no decent shape to be out in the public eye.  You found you were more than pleased with it.  While he did seem much better, you could see fatigue in his eyes.  You wondered how long he had been ignoring his own needs.  Dwarves were hardy and unaffected by the diseases of men, but he had worn himself to bare bones in your absence.

"Yes," you agreed.

"You must tell me of your adventures," he said.  You chuckled lightly.

"They were... trying..." you admitted.  "Every time I felt like giving up, I thought of you, and I knew that I had to do everything in my power to make sure we succeeded."

"I can only imagine the difficulty," he sympathized with you. 

"I know it was not easy for you to wait for me, I would understand if you had found comfort in another," you tore you gaze away from him.  You did not know where that thought had stemmed from, but the words left your lips before you could retract them.

"Never speak of such things again," his response was instantaneous; his voice rife with hurt and disapproval.  "You are my only one.  I told you before you left that I would never have another, and I have not.  If I had perished before your return, then so be it."

"I'm sorry," you attempted to sooth him.  "I know that you love me."

"Perhaps not well enough, need I show you again?"  Thorin asked.  There was a predatory gleam in his eyes.

"In time," you answered, moving closer to embrace him. 

"Your friend was good to you?"  Thorin questioned.  For a moment, you were confused.

" _Pallando_?  Oh, yes.  He's like a brother to me," you replied.  You pulled back to search his face, frowning at what you saw there.  "Thorin, I've allowed no other to have, nor so much as look at me in that way."  Your hand gently caressed his cheek.  "I could not bear the touch of another, yours is the only I desire."

"My wife," he sighed, placing a kiss upon your brow.

"My husband," you responded in kind.

You wanted nothing more than to stay in this bed for all eternity making up for lost time, but other needs of survival were starting to take over. 

"When did you last eat?"  You asked.

"Perhaps a day or two ago; the mere thought of food made me uneasy," he responded.  You frowned at him.

“You need to eat if you are to regain your strength," you admonished.  “You’ve been neglecting yourself for far too long…”

"Aye,” he didn’t argue with you, and you knew it was because he had been stressed out over your absence, worrying every day when or if you would return.  He did not want to put any blame on you for his current state, though you felt the guilt plainly as if you had physically wounded him yourself.

"Let me go and get us some food," you said.

"No, I'm never letting you out of my sight again," Thorin declared.  He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in to a crushing embrace.  You sighed and relaxed against him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"Please, let me take care of you.  I'm home and I'm never leaving you again," you said softly.

" _Promise me_ ," he pleaded, and you could hear the agony in his voice.

"I promise," you vowed.  You felt your soul shatter as you thought of him here, waiting for you, his heart broken and lonely without you.  Tears sprang to your eyes just thinking about it.  He cradled your head to his chest, soothing you through your grief of the time you had lost.

Once you had calmed down, you sat together on the bed as he combed through your hair.  You sat with your arms curled around your knees, your chin resting on them as you allowed him to care for you. Once pleased with his work, he weaved two braids in to your hair.  He secured one with the jeweled bead he had given you after your first time together, and then the other with the one he had fastened to your hair on your wedding day.  You had never taken them out in all the time you were apart.

You thanked him with a kiss, gesturing for the brush so that you could do the same for him.  You took your time working the tangles from his hair, slow and gentle.  It was a very intimate act, one that you would never share with anyone outside your family. 

"I love you," you whispered in to his ear as you braided and replaced the beads to his hair, taking special care with the one you had gifted to him when you married. He stilled your hand, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss to your knuckles.  You laid your chin on his shoulder as you were kneeled behind him, your free arm wrapping around him to embrace him tightly.  You placed a feather light kiss on the side of his neck, feeling his pulse beat beneath your lips.

"As I love you…  Let Aulë bear witness that I will never survive being parted from you again.  I would never mend," he whispered, his eyes misty.

"You will never have to," you replied.  He turned his head to catch your lips. 

You did not leave for the kitchens until the bed was made and he was resting comfortably under the covers.

* * *

 

There had been a feast to celebrate your return, and things were peaceful.   

As the months passed, Thorin was returned to full vigor.

Spring came and went.  Summer was gone in the blink of an eye, and autumn was upon the mountain once again.   

* * *

 

Thorin’s sister had always been a good friend to you, and you spent much of your time with her when Thorin was otherwise detained.  The two of you had only grown closer as the months progressed and she was currently fussing over Fili’s choice of bride.

“She seems like a good choice,” you mused.

“She seems like a… well… there is no good and decent word to describe what I think she is,” Dis replied.

“You suspect she has ulterior motives?”  You questioned.

“In not so kind of a way, yes,” she affirmed.

“They’ve been courting for some time now,” you said.

“Yes, I just… she seems…”

“Fasle?” you supplied.

“Yes!  I just don’t know what he sees in her.  She’s dull and kind of…”  She trailed off.

“Prissy?”

“Yes!”  Dis seemed pleased that you were on the same wave length about Fili’s intended.  It was not often that dwarves took brides, and it had been completely off the wall that Thorin had married outside of his race.  It’s not like you could really cast judgment.

“He seems happy?”  You said, growing weary of the conversation.  You were easily tired these days, and you weren’t sure what the cause could be.  Perhaps it was the impending winter.

“I suppose…” Dis replied, eyeing you warily.  “Are you well?  You look pale…”

“Yes, I’m-” You were cut off as a wave of nausea hit you hard and you knew that in a matter of moments you were going to be sick.  You were up and losing your breakfast at the nearest empty receptacle.

“That was my favorite vase,” Dis admonished you.

“I’m sorry,” you groaned, heaving again into the vase.  Despite her annoyance, Thorin’s sister came to hold your hair back for you until you were well enough to sit back.

“How long has this been going on?”  She asked.

“Just a few days… I’ve been tired… I think that I might be coming down with something…” you explained.

“Are you not just as immune as we?”  Dis asked.

“Usually, but… there is hardly any other explanation,” you said.

“ _Are you certain_?”  Dis pressed, and you were unsure as to what she getting at until it dawned upon you like a slap in the face.

“I don’t think it’s possible,” you said.

“We should tell Thorin,” she suggested, brushing your hair back from your sweat dampened forehead.

“ _No_!” You practically shrieked, watching guiltily as Dis was startled by your outburst.  “What if I’m just sick?  I don’t want to get his hopes up…  I don’t want to disappoint him,” you whispered.

“Foolish, you could never disappoint him.  He loves you,” Dis reminded you.

“I think… we should just wait a little while…  _Please_ , Dis…  I don’t want anyone to know anything until I’m absolutely certain,” you begged.

“I still think it unwise, but I’ll respect your wishes.  I don’t think you should keep this from him,” she warned.

“I’m going to tell him,” you assured her.  “It’s only been a few days…”

* * *

 

Another two months passed with no improvement to your condition.  You were often up before Thorin, or he had to leave you before you would awake.

This morning he had just left you, and you were getting ill now without even eating.  Typical morning sickness, but you were in denial that the Valar would allow you such a blessing after you had failed them so miserably the first time around.

Still, the mounting evidence was becoming undeniable as you noticed a bump growing in your belly.  The starting mood swings and the morning sickness were all beginning to make sense.  You didn’t think you could hide it any longer.  You were still afraid that it might be some cruel trick, but you did not have time to dwell on your thoughts any longer.

“Are you well?”

You jumped as you heard Thorin’s voice enter the adjoined wash room.  You had been going through your morning routine of trying to get your sickness over with before anyone could notice.  You used your sleeve to wipe the corner of your mouth before turning to look at him with wide doe eyes.

“I thought you’d gone for the day,” you started weakly. 

The king watched you calmly, taking in every detail of your face as you paled and were about to be sick again.  He was beside you in an instant, holding your hair up and rubbing your back until you were finished.

“I had gone, but I forgot something.  Why did you not tell me you were unwell?  You’ve seemed so tired lately,” concern laced his voice as his hand left your hair to rest on your shoulder.  “Perhaps I’ve been neglecting you too much…”

Guilt consumed you and tears spilled down your cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” you wailed.  “I wasn’t trying to… I didn’t want-”

Thorin seemed startled by your sudden mood swing, kneeling beside you to take you in to his arms.

“You know you can tell me anything _Amrâlimê,_ ” he soothed you, holding you close until you had calmed down enough to speak.

“I didn’t mean to hide it from you, but I was afraid… I didn’t think it was possible… _Thorin, I think I’m pregnant_ ,” your voice was hushed as you watched his face carefully for a reaction.

The king leaned back until his eyes met yours, trying to determine the truth in your words.  He smiled slightly, his hand coming to cradle your cheek.

“Can it be?” He whispered in wonder.  “Why did you not come to me sooner?”  He was upset, and the look of hurt on his face broke your heart.

“I was afraid that if I wasn’t… that you would be disappointed.  I didn’t want to let you down,” you whispered.

Thorin’s brow furrowed and he gathered you close to him, your head tucked under his chin.  You could hear as well as feel his voice vibrating deep within his chest.

“You could never let me down,” he assured you.  “I cannot take care of you if you hide things from me.”

“I know,” you sighed, letting your arms come about his waist.  “I’m sorry, can you forgive me?”

“Of course,” he responded without hesitation, and you felt the tension leave his shoulders.  “I love you,” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I love you too,” you replied, the tension leaving your shoulders.  The secret was out...

* * *

 

Some years later would find you blessed with not just one child, but two. 

As much as Thorin had denied the importance of heirs, you could see how much joy having his own children brought him.  You thanked the Valar every day for allowing you this.

“Shall we try for another?”  Thorin asked, as he came to lie over you, effectively pinning you to the bed.

“…so soon?” You asked with a giggle as his beard tickled your neck where he trailed his kisses.

“Why put off for tomorrow…” He muttered against your lips as his came up to claim yours.

You let out a contented sigh, your arms wrapping around his neck and drawing him closer.

“There’s plenty of time,” you whispered.

“It’ll never be enough,” Thorin murmured back, simply staring down at you, his fingers gently stroking your hair back from your forehead.  You smiled at him, but realized that he was right.  You were grateful for the time you had together, but not even forever would be long enough to spend your life with him.

“Then we better make the most of it,” you replied gently.  Your heart melted as his eyes crinkled and his lips quirked in a smile.  You hoped that there would be many more days like this, and you had no intention of taking them for granted.

* * *

 

The End


End file.
